Episode 140 – Dean Graziosi: How To Turn Obstacles Into Opportunities

Casanova Brooks:

What’s up DreamNation. We are back again. And today’s episode is one that I’ve been waiting on since I started this podcast. And if anybody knows me, especially if you know me on a personal level, you know that today my energy is going to be a little bit different and that’s because I got my man on mr. Dean Graziosi.

So without further ado, please help me and welcoming him to the show. Dean. You want to go ahead and say what’s up to DreamNation. ?

Dean Graziosi:

What’s up. Everybody listen, man. I just wanted to tell you and everybody here. I just got to know Casanova on a little deeper level in the last 10 minutes and it’s a true honor to be here.

I mean it today I always try to deliver and put. All of it out there and leave nothing back. And here’s the other thing, too. You have a lot of options on what you could be listening to right now, what you could be watching. And you’re here with us. And I don’t take that lightly. If I’m going to take a half hour 45 minutes or an hour out of my day, like you are, let’s just play full out and, and I’ll share with you today that no matter where you are in your journey, I promise you I’ve been there.

I’ve been at the lowest of lows and I’ve been blessed to be at the highest of highs and everywhere in between my personal life, my business life, 13 businesses, some of them have failed. Some have gone on to do greater things than I ever could have imagined. So I give you my word. If you’ll, if you’ll listen, you’ll stick with us.

There’ll be something that you will immediately implement in your life and throw the rest away. That’s the best thing about listening to a podcast, reading a book, listen to an audio. Take what serves you. And throw the rest of the way. So a Casanova let’s, let’s light it up. Let’s make this one, your best ever!

Casanova Brooks:

Man let’s do it.

And I got no doubt that it will be, let me always have to give the proper introduction and I don’t want to shortchange you the way that I do this is that I compare us as entrepreneurs thought leaders change makers to superheroes.

Why is because we’re constantly flying around the world. I know you are. You’re putting on your Cape and you’re trying to solve the world’s biggest. Problems. And so we all, we all know that behind every Superman there is actually that Clark kent. So my question for you is behind the Superman of Dean Graziosi, who is that Clark Kent?

Dean Graziosi:

A really good qestion. I like that question because everybody not that it’s bad, everybody asks that similar question, but, the Clark Kent, someone who loves being a father and a husband, Hmm.

And, and, I’m not probably any different than, than most, but I’d say I haven’t always been there. I always loved being a dad. my past the relationship, I probably had some shortcomings because of. the nine divorces growing up as a kid, I probably didn’t see what a functional relationship was.

And my ex had the same kind of background and we’re dear friends and we’re great. Co-parents but we were missing that part. So if you want to know who the Clark Kent is in this phase of my life, I’m remarried to the love of my life. I cherish it every single moment. I don’t take it for granted. I will never compromise her, her feelings and my respect for her.

And our love grows. Every day. I have a 13 year old, an 11 year old who just. Or the love of my life. And now we have a, my wife and I have a five month old. So the Clark Kent, the simple guy is. I worry about being a good dad. I worry about doing the right thing. I feel like I mess up. Sometimes I read a lot of books on it.

I love being home. I don’t do much of all of the things I thought I do when I was super successful. I don’t, I get invited to cool things like the Grammys and the Emmys and fly around the world and pick you up on a private jet and all that was. It’s so great. And I’m blessed beyond belief to have that opportunity, but really I’d rather sit home last night.

We, as a family, we, did. Tie dye shirts. Cause my daughter saw something online that was cool. So it was a family we all cooked. And then we made tie dye shirts until 10 o’clock last night. And I would say that ranks up there better than pretty much anything in the world I could do. So that’s the side of me. I don’t usually get the share.

Casanova Brooks:

And, and I love it. And the thing that I think that has really resonated with. So many people along your journey, at least in the last five to seven years, For the people who saw, who did it see you when you were on daytime TV and, and doing all these infomercials and things like that, it is your ability to be vulnerable.

Did you always have this, as a kid, did you always have that vulnerability that were in your heart on your sleeve or did this, was there something that really changed all of that?

Dean Graziosi:

No, I don’t think I did. I, I think I kept a lot of it inside. Ha ha listen, you shared, I know your story. Casanova’s and so many of the stories of those of you listening.

So please know when I share anything about my story, it’s not, Oh, poor me. Look what I went through. That was the journey. That’s what God had designed for me. And I wouldn’t change one bit of it, but I held it in so much that at 11 years old, I had a bleeding ulcer. I got off. I remember getting off the bus at 11 and I went out behind our dumpster and threw up blood.

And I was afraid to go in and tell my dad, because I thought he would blame my mom. Like all those little things. So I learned a really young age, keep my mouth shut, keep it in, just deal with it. Like I tell my dad that I’m upset about something. He blamed my mom. Cause she’s the one that wanted the divorce, even though he’s the one that actually did some crazy shit to push her away.

and then when I go to my mom, I didn’t want to tell my mom, my dad made me upset cause she might call him, I didn’t mean to get so personal, but I learned to keep shit in. I wasn’t vulnerable. You could have asked me five, seven, 15, 18 how’s everything. But wonderful. Even though stuff at home was a train wreck.

but I think there was just this. Time. It’s a really great question. I’ve never been asked that man, and I love it. I’m getting a question I’ve never been asked. but I think there was a moment in, in, Tony Robbins made a big impact on me. I life over 20 something years ago when I got his course and I’ve realized there was other teachers besides college, right?

There was, there was Wayne Dyer and Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra and spiritual leaders. And, and, so many, Dale Carnegie, Earl Nightingale. All these teachers that really shifted my life. And then I’ve been in this business, in the self-education business and books and tapes and trainings and videos for over two decades.

And I think it was slow progress. It’s funny you say this up until about five years ago. What I realized that I wasn’t serving people at the highest level I could, if I was, I did wrong or that hurt or that I screwed up on. And when I started just pulling back and, things like going through a divorce is very personal at any other time in my life, I probably would have never told anybody and I didn’t come on and say, she messed up.

I was just vulnerable and sad. I probably screwed this shit up. Excuse my language. But I probably messed this up. It was promised by a big part of the problem. And when I was done with the divorce and the pain of. Of not my ex and I became friends for a long time. We lived in different places, but the pain of not being with my kids every day, it was so crippling.

I’m not going to hold that back. I bet you other people in that much pain in the more I shared and I just watched how people said, “thank you. Thank you. I felt alone in this journey”. And it went from, say a video game, 10,000 posts to have hundred thousand and 10,000 comments and people. And I just realized I was doing the world a disservice by holding any of the crap back.

So I don’t anymore. And I’m glad you said that, but I try not to when sometimes I’m like, am I being vulnerable enough? Like I want people to know I failed in business miserably. I was jealous when my friends went off to college or their business was doing good and mine was failing. I was envious when I couldn’t retire my mom and she’s struggling like envy, jealousy, all those things were a part of my past failure, feeling like an imposter, dude, there’s a lot of times I’ve been in rooms and like, how the hell they let me in here?

I’m the non guy in this room. if they knew what was going on in his head, they would throw me out because they’re way smarter. Like I’ve, I’ve had all of those feelings, but I also realized that that’s part of being human. And nobody can deny another level of us if we identify, if we use that journey as our fuel, not our anchor.

there’s a million things to share on that, but I think, and, and one more thing I want to share on that because I’ve never answered this question, so I like it. So I’m going deep on it. Something about being vulnerable. Really just helps you self identify, who you really are and what your values are.

Like I think, I don’t think values are one of those things that you lock them in. How old are you now Casanova?

Casanova Brooks:

32

Dean Graziosi:

32. The man you are today. I just a little bit. I know you is unbelievable, but you’ll be a different man at 38 and you’ll be a different man at 45. And you’ll be a completely different man in your fifties.

And it doesn’t mean that you’re bad now. It means that those on a journey, those on a path, those who are hungry for more, we never stopped growing. We never stopped contributing. And as you do, you kind of fine tune your values, right? Like you’re anchoring in and then you get this, this, I want to share this with everybody.

There’s a point in your life that if you’re growing, there’s a point in your life where you have. The nerve to say no, we spend so much time in our lives. If we want more, the only way you’re here, man, going from all the, from cancer and losing your mom and moving and losing money and losing your house.

There’s no way you got from there to where you are today. Without saying yes to stuff that other people wouldn’t say yes to yes. To overtime. Yes. Overcoming self doubt. Yes. When you felt like an imposter in that room where other people, you felt they were smarter, you said yes, yes. To if there was any racial issues and you just kept moving forward.

The only way you’re here, man is by saying yes, but there’s this certain pivot I’m going to tell you for me, it was in my forties. There’s a certain pivot that yes. Got you here. But no, we’ll take you to your depths of who God, the universe meant you to be. And for me to be able to say no to all the stuff that doesn’t fit into a small bucket, being a good dad, being a good husband, being a good family, man, being a good leader and team member to my team of a hundred people, being an amazing friend of my dearest friends and always growing and sharing, man, if it doesn’t fit in that, honestly, it’s a no to me.

Like legit and there’s no money at this phase in my life that can sway me. There’s no, nothing like that is what I wish for every single person watching that you have the success, the strength and the depth of wisdom to say no, to say no more than you’ve ever said in your life, I don’t know a better way to say it, but I hope that makes sense.

Casanova Brooks:

Yeah, no, it makes a hundred percent sense. And my question off of that, there’s so much sand pack there about the imposter syndrome and you getting into these rooms. And I think that first that’s where I want to start, but actually, no, we’re going to start with this saying no. Do you feel that someone. Can get this up because for you, you said you had the highest of the highs, you had the lowest of the lows.

So I think that once you’ve been through it all by the age of 45, where you understand, Hey, listen, my time is not getting any longer on this earth, Things I have to do, what really matters to me. I have to make sure that I’m focusing on my family, my energy, my everything. Can someone that’s 25 years old.

That is just starting out this business that hasn’t been through the trenches like you have, can they get that wisdom up front or do you think that it’s some things that you just got to go through? Do then be able to get to this point? Don’t compare my 17th step to your eighth.

Dean Graziosi:

Yeah. Yeah, no, that’s what a great question.

Okay. So I think some of it comes with time, like I think, but time is coming anyway, right? The next 10 years they go by no matter what you do, whether you play small, stay afraid, feel like an imposter and keep hoping the rest of the world will change it for you. Or you become brave. You take uncomfortable imperfect action.

You conquer that big bag. And even if you do it miserably wrong at first, like that, that going forward and navigating new territory is actually what builds the wisdom time does a build shit. Excuse my language. If you’re a golfer. If you put in 10 hours a day golfing, but swinging the wrong swing. I don’t care how many hours you put in.

You’re always going to be bad at golf. But if you put an hour of dedicated focus and learning from a master and shifting and changing, you could be a pro in no time. And I think life was the same way. If you sit on the sidelines, playing small thinking it’s for other people, think you have a disadvantage.

But other people don’t have you think the world did you wrong? I’m not trying to be a jerk, but if you think about that, I don’t care how much time you put it on this earth. 10 years is going to go by and you’re going to be the same exact spot in 10 years as you are today. Secondly, Because of today’s world and the ability to learn from people who’ve already been there.

We can cut the learning curve by decades. my partner and friend, Tony Robbins always says, we can cut. We can condense decades into days. How do you do that? Find somebody who’s already done what you’ve done and do everything in your power to have them mentor, you read their books, get their trainings, get their courses, pay for speed.

And you don’t necessary have to pay for speed with a check sometimes, right? I’ve been mentored by people in my twenties by helping them by being so inquisitive about their knowledge. Sometimes people that are really brilliant would love to share with somebody who would actually listen and then utilize.

Find a way to cut the learning curve. And, I think today our access to self-education to learning from others is, is so readily available. That if you’re not obsessing on it, then maybe it’s time.

Casanova Brooks:

Yeah. I th I think that that’s a really key point in a good segment. And to the next one have for you, you’ve done something you’ve been.

Here’s the thing when people are first starting out, the number one question that you get, especially in business, as you have after figure out who is your avatar, right?

The riches are in the niches. And I’ll be honest and be vulnerable to say that for me, I’ve always struggled with that because some of us, we feel like we have a lot of talents, We feel like we don’t want to be trapped into a box. We feel like we want to go out and help many people in many different phases. then all of a sudden you start to lack a little bit of clarity and then Me. And again, this is me being a hundred percent honest, and I know this, someone else out there like this, I’ve said this with so much conviction of who exactly is Dean’s perfect avatar.

I feel like when you look at the crowd and all of the people that are motivated at any of the crowd, you have 40,000 different people there. And I know that I’m different than. So many other people, but I feel like I am one of your perfect avatars. So for you, with all of the pivots and you use that word that you’ve made in life, how have you become comfortable with in my eyes being more of a generalist and teaching people about their own KBB knowledge broker blueprint,

rather than being a specialist and saying, yeah, here is the specific person that I helped.

Dean Graziosi:

Yeah, really, really great question. And I love when I get questions I’ve never heard so good job. I would say my perfect avatar, someone that knows they can’t settle for half of what their potential is. I don’t mean to overgeneralize, but if you look at you. Listen, you have F dude, let me just tell you the story you told me before I got tears in my eyes because of your story and especially cause it reminded me of my grandmother and some things in my own life.

But you have every excuse in the world brother to say, “Hey man, I tried, but the world just was against me”. “I got cancer at a young age. I was born my two best friends died when I was eight years old. I lived in the South side of Chicago and guns and violence. And I had 13 brothers and sisters. I don’t even know I had an absentee father.

And then I try to do things better then. And the world just goes against me and I moved to a new place and I lose my job. I lose my mom. I lose my house. and I, and I had cancer when I was young, I tried to make it work, but the world was against me”. Like you have every reason in the world to do that, man.

You have every reason in the world to start drinking back then or start doing drugs or, or just, say screw it. I’m giving up on life, but you didn’t. Hmm. And I think I don’t like, I don’t just want the Casanovas who are the ones that went after it. I also want those they’re like on the fence going, I know the world’s telling me I should just sit here, but I know there’s more gas in the tank.

I know I have more to give the world.

Listen, Dale Carnegie said something that’s always stuck with me. And one of his books that he already said, he thinks the biggest plight of our world is knowing you have more potential and not using it. Yeah, I can think about that. That’s who I love to communicate with. It. Doesn’t have to be the Casanova’s who’s… you’ve already gone through all the Valley man, and you’re on your way up.

You’re skyrocketing. I can’t wait to watch your career where you’ll be in your forties, where you’ll be in your fifties. I can’t wait. You’re not going to be, I’ll be an amazing bystander watching your journey. And mentor the person who was maybe where you were five, seven, 10 years ago, or whatever was it where you at a point where do I just give up and keep going?

And if I could catch that person at that vulnerable part and say, hell no, we’re giving up hell yes, you have every reason to quit. But you also have every reason now you have the fuel for greatness, right? it’s why last book, my last book, The Underdog Advantage. It’s like that fuel can be the, the, the liftoff right there.

What do they say about a rocket? Like most people to get a rocket into space. It’s like the first 20 feet, right? I want to be that fuel to just I’m I’m not making someone successful, but if I could be that little like nudge to get them going, then it lights me up. It’s why I have so much enthusiasm.

I’m in better shape, more than, yeah. Energy, more alive at 51 that I was at 21, 31. And I think it’s because I have this burning desire to give those knowing there’s more, just a little. Hand up, right? I’m not the, I’m not their a Messiah. I don’t want to, I don’t feel like I motivate. I feel like sometimes, hopefully today, if you’re listening or watching, if there’s just one thing today that makes you disturbed enough to take action, like sometimes it’s not even motivated to action.

Disturbing people to action, because the truth of the matter is if you just listen to us and you get inspired today, but you don’t make any changes, you will be the exact same spot five years from now. And that feels like crap. yeah, that was a long answer to a short, good question. I believe that there are ways more people that have a desire for more that just don’t invoke it or don’t wake it up.

And if I can wake it up. Then I did my job. And secondly, the thing that I see like right now, the self-education industry it’s, it’s changed my life, it changed Tony’s life. It’s one of the fastest growing industries in the world, even faster because of COVID. So it lights me up everyday to help people get in that space.

Cause I know they can change your life if they’re in. And if those ingredients are there, man, there ain’t nothing stopping me. I like going bigger, better, I had somebody say to me two days ago, they’re like, “I’ve never seen anybody have such high expectations. Do you think that’s while you’re successful” and I’ve never been asked?

I really think that’s one of them. I don’t like the dabble. And even when I was broke and a dreamer, when I wanted to build my first house, I built the biggest house in my little town at 25. And everybody, my father told me I was going to go broke. He’s you’re going to lose it. He got so mad at me. We fought and didn’t talk for three weeks.

Cause I was building this big house, but man, I love it. And that big and just doing whatever you can to make it happen.

Casanova Brooks:

My question after that. For lot of people right now, starting a business, or that wants to get out there and really become this knowledge broker of the knowledge that they already have in their head.

They associated with risks. Do you feel that someone has to be willing to burn the ships? Or do you feel that there’s another way as you’re teaching people to say, “Hey, listen, if you had that nine to five job, I’m going to teach you how to do it, while still having this nine to five job, or do you say, Hey, the most successful people, I know they burn the boats.”

Let’s go get it.

Dean Graziosi:

That’s a great question. And I want to tell you, it’s funny you say that sometimes I go a, litle long, so don’t be afraid to reel me in, but. You said something before about you have this desire to do more and not be so niche, right? The rich in the niches. No, that the riches are in the niches, but people don’t finish that statement.

The riches are in the niches. Cause that’s how you get momentum. That’s how you start. And that’s how you, once you get that dial, then you add in another group and once you get that dial, then you need another. So the riches are in the niches only cause it’s a starting point. As you see, I didn’t settle for the niches.

I mastered that niche and I went to my next one and I mastered that and I went to the next one. So I think, I don’t think people finish that right now. Let me ask that answer. That question is, I believe if I look at my own. Life. I was working on cars. I fixed wreck cars in a collision shop. Second paint every day I worked on cars every day.

Hated it, but I found a way to love it because I knew it was just a stepping stone because why was working on cars? I got my first no money down real estate deal that I was working on at night. I’d work on cars, suckfumes. Get dirty change engines, pink cars. And at five o’clock I’d go home and eat and then I’d go work on my house until about one o’clock in the morning.

And I worked on cars bars until I got about 25 rental units. I started building houses. I was subdividing and, and all of a sudden I really, this income is replaced in the cars I’m done with the cars. Hmm. And then I got real estate cranking, so good flipping houses do it. I’m going to go into the self-education industry and build a course, but I was flipping houses on a monthly basis.

And those flips were funding my self, education industry, and infomercials on TV. And I kept all of that until, and I still do real estate, but it wasn’t my full time gig anymore because my knowledge business started paying bills, had me doing that. And then. Started live events. And I started writing books and I started speaking on stages, but I always left the anchor to pay the bills.

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t burn the boats. Burn. The boats to me is a little different. Burn the boats means if you’re gonna do something don’t fricking dabble anything in your life that you don’t, you’re not committed to or dabble with doesn’t work. If you’re not committed to your wife, it doesn’t work.

You’re not committed to your husband. You’re not commited to being a good dad. You’re not committed to be in good shape. You’re not committed to eat You’re not committed to your business. Has it ever worked in the history of the world? Never. So when I say burn the boats in my eyes, it’s even if it’s an hour a day, commit, go deep, shut off the phone, obsess on it.

Like your life depends on it. Cause it does. So that’s burning the boats to me also, if you already have a job and that’s paying the bills and you got to do something, a new, the only thing I’ll tell you to not go too deep, as you gotta say, no, you got to really analyze the things in your life that you do on a daily basis and find the things that don’t serve you serve God, serve your children a bigger future, more income, more success

, more freedom, how hard it is hanging with certain friends. They got, maybe got a bit put on hold right now, doing, going out to happy hour, three nights a week. there’s certain things You can’t talk out of both sides, your mouth. You can’t say I want another level of life, but I still want a party on the weekends and I still want to blow my cash, even though I don’t have it.

Like you don’t get it all. And that’s just it, but I can go on forever. But remember the last thing I’ll say about it, the living life the hard way is easy. Living life the easy way is hard. And what I mean by that sacrifice a couple of years where you’re working your job and you’re, you’re building your side hustle.

So it could be your full time hustle and you sacrifice going out a little, not completely. You sacrifice on certain things for a short period of time. That’s hard. You might miss out. And some parties might miss out on some fun. If you’re single, you might miss out on some dates for two years, but that hard gives you 40 50 years of an amazing life.

Or you could blow your money now, order lots of fried food, sit on the couch, do nothing. That’s easy as hell. But your health suffers your income suffers and the life down the road. So just remember it’s easier to live hard now and easier later than easy now and hard for the rest of your life.

Casanova Brooks:

right? No, that’s, that’s the critical point.

And it’s just like that saying, live like no one else now. So you can live like no one else later. I think that that’s phenomenal. For you you’ve talked a lot about vulnerability and, and, imposter syndrome and obviously you’re with one of the, you are, and you’re also partnered with one of the biggest world renowned success coaches, For a lot of people right now, when you go into KBB. People know what they know, but I think where the fear comes in, if I try to teach it to someone else that I won’t have a framework that’s valuable to where they see me as an expert.

How do you teach that? Because a lot of people listening right now say, I know what I know, but I don’t know that I know how to teach it.

Dean Graziosi:

Yeah. I’ll give you three, three steps here. first off is always teach what you do know, if you could go back and spend two days with your five year younger self or 10 years younger self, and you only had two days to teach something, what would you teach yourself?

Like I always think about that. if you had to go back man, and talk to you, you’re 32. If you could go back and spend two days with your 22 year old self and you had three days, Casanova, to put something together, What would you teach? Like when you start looking through that framework, you were holding back up.

Let me back up plan first. I’d have to do mindset because back then I felt my life was screwed. And then I realized that that was for me not to, you would probably think of some mindset stuff, Then you’re like, Oh, I sold so much real estate, man. There’s a strategy to sell. Oh, let me think through that.

How do I sell a first. I look people in the eye. I do this. I listen better than anyone else. I’m persistent. I call you like, then you start structure. Oh, this is how I sell. Oh, my marriage is really awesome at this place, man. It wasn’t so good. How would I treat my relationship? Oh, this is what I do. I listen more.

I realized there’s two of us. We’re United. We have, God is, or our children. Like you start thinking through all that. So it’s a little different when you think through that, And you have to read the people that you’re teaching. Are starting off where you were three, five, 10 years ago. So you’re in, if you sold one piece of real estate in your life, and you’re trying to go to a convention to show people, who’ve already sold a hundred, you’re a phony.

And of course, you’ll look like a phony, but if you sold just 10 pieces of real estate in your life, and you have a room full of people, who’ve never sold one. You’re the expert. You’re the expert. So it’s also who the audience is. So that’s why marketing is so important. You want to attract who you want and repel those, you don’t, you want to attract people that would want exactly what it is And then the last thing I’ll say, I want you to think about this in every teaching moment, we all had the three S’s. We had a struggle, we searched for the answer, and then we found a solution search struggle search solution. Just think about that. If I, if you came to me right now, I said, man, how this the hell did you sell so much real estate and change your life?

What was the struggle, man? I was going through this, nothing. I had to do it. What was the search man? I searched for a way to connect. I found this thing online. I read this book. I had a mentor and what’s the solution. The solution is I implemented it. And these are the results, right? If you break it down to those three assets, man, all of a sudden you go.

Oh, yeah. I could teach that. I could teach. So it’s understanding that framework and then putting the right people in the room and all of a sudden, the one thing that you were missing goes up your confidence. Man.

Casanova Brooks:

That’s so powerful. And I think right there, that’s that one thing that someone else can do and apply to their business today, if they haven’t heard anything else that will give them the confidence take action.

So I love that you shared that you’ve also been a big advocate and a big pioneer in the masterminding world. You have hundreds of thousand dollar masterminds, and then you also have it down to the $7 mastermind. For someone right now, that’s thinking, listen, I need to be a part of a mastermind, but I don’t necessarily even know where to start.

Who do I look like? How do you advise people to get we’ll find it that way? I know we could just say, Hey, join my mastermind. But for someone else, that’s if I want to do something that’s maybe outside of real estate or the mindset thing I want to be in this niche area, is there a way that they could find their tribe?

Dean Graziosi:

Yeah. first off before you go looking who should your tribe be. I believe your tribe should be a group of people that are doing as well as you and a little better. So if you’re in real estate and you’re flipping single family homes or you’re holding property and you own. 10 single family homes.

And you want to just get cutting edge stuff and let’s just back up. What is a mastermind? Earl Nightingale know it was a Napoleon Hill in 1937 said a mastermind is just two. It can be two people. When two people come together, collectively share their wisdom and there’s a third mind created.

It’s the accumulation of knowledge, right? If, if, if two people who are in real estate come together and you go, man, I flip houses. I find them. I putting out bandit signs and call an expired listing. Oh my God, that’s amazing. Let me tell you what I do. I run ads on Craigslist but I reverse strategy. I don’t do it this way.

All of a sudden, collectively you both got smarter, right? And that’s the only two. So one is know that the collection of wisdom equals a higher power. And that’s why people say I’m going to do this on my own. Or I got to figure it out on my own. That’s so outdated. Why would you figure it out on your own?

When collectively you can go so much faster. Secondly, again, find peers that are doing as good as you and a little better. You don’t want people who are below you because unless you want to create a mastermind to teach them right. You want people who are doing the same as you and a little better, because if you go with somebody way better, It’s too far of a bridge and it could overwhelm you.

For example, if you’ve, let’s say you’re in the real estate investing company or business, and you flipped 20 houses. And you’re thinking of going into buying hold. You don’t want to go with a group of people who own multiplexes with 500 units. They’re looking at completely different things. They’re looking at their cash flow in a different way.

They’re using funding in a different way. They’re not managing the properties like there’s different criteria. And then you feel out of place and you’re like, Oh, masterminds aren’t for me. No, you just surrounded yourself with the wrong people. So one is know. One is get around similar type people, go find Facebook groups, right?

That’s how I’d start. Go find Facebook groups that have similar interests start engaging there, and then just keep looking for that peer group that’s doing as good as you and a little better.

Casanova Brooks:

No, I’d love it, man. You had so much, much knowledge and wisdom. That’s always been poured into you. Do you ever look back and say, because I found this one person, I think that it’s been so monumental on my life.

I’m sure, you say it now with your wife, But in your business and then you being a mentee, Is there ever one person that you say, thank you, God, I’m so grateful that you brought this one person in my life.

Dean Graziosi:

At a young age, it was my grandmother because she just gave me the vision of anything’s possible.

My grandmother told me every day that I was beautiful, which is cheesy to say, but every day she said, you’re beautiful. And secondly, she’d say don’t ever listen to anybody. You could do whatever you want. And I think she’s, you could say that to a kid. No yeah, Grandma, but we don’t have anything.

And how could I, but she said it so often. And with such confidence, I just ended up believing her, I don’t know. I tell my kids I’d do the same thing for my kids every single day. So I hope it, I hope it lands with them. And then I have a lot of great people along the way. people that I didn’t realize I was learning from, that gave a lot back to me, but, I say it a lot, but I always give a lot of credit to Tony Robbins if he wasn’t, if he didn’t have an infomercial and create a product.

And of course, and I didn’t buy that off of TV, I think I’d still be successful, but I would. I would absolutely not be where I am today. So it’s, it’s cool that he was someone I bought a course. He changed my life. He was on my list of the number one person I did. I want to meet and best friend. We talk five times a day, every day, single day now.

So it’s crazy how, how life can, turn around on you like that in such a good way.

Casanova Brooks:

Yeah. What’s one of the ways that he’s challenged you because obviously when you talk about great brotherhoods, great friendships, right? Great family. A lot of the times we don’t want just the yes men around or the yes women.

We want the people that challenge us to do more, be more, have more, and ultimately be able to give more. So talk to me about a time that he challenged you, that you’ve been, “hmmm” but you went through it anyway. And he had a strong part in that. Yeah,

Dean Graziosi:

I’ll tell you. I was in my forties and I had been going through separation divorce for awhile.

and Tony is not pro divorced in any way. He’s pro happiness and love. I flew down to see him down in Florida and I was, I was just in a really funk of a place and it was limbo and I was limbo for my ex limbo for my kids. Just being honest and limbo for me. And I was in my forties and he, him and his wife saved.

They’re an amazing team. And they’re such a great example. They’ve been madly in love for 20 years. So it’s so good watching him, but he literally got two inches from my face and he said, I want to know something, not what you’re going to achieve, what you’re going to accomplish. I know you’re going to be successful.

He said, who are you going to become in your fifties? Who is the man Dean Graziosi in his fifties. I need to know that anyway, he wouldn’t let me be and didn’t take his eyes off me. It was also like an uncomfortable moment. I said I’m and he’s no, that’s. Not an answer. Who are you? And I started thinking of the man, I wanted to be how I want to evolve the kind of father I wanted to be.

What kind of love I wanted in my life. And I have to tell you, it was a, everybody. You probably heard that before you’ve asked it, but that was the perfect time. The perfect intensity from someone I respected. And it was that time where I literally went. Went home and talked to my wife at the time, my ex and she’s I think we should divorce and end it.

And it was definitive at that moment. Cause I knew the man I wanted to be not someone who was creating extra pain. Maybe holding on to something that shouldn’t be there. My kids not sure. And that moment, I also decided that I was going, no matter what it took, I was going to be dear friends with my ex that we are going to co-parent like crazy that I was going to find someone in my life that was cool with me being friends with my ex, that we can all be together.

And I made that in who I was going to be in my fifties. And Holy crap. I listen, whether you believe in manifestation or believing in that, what you put out there, you get nothing have been like, nothing could approve that to me more than that moment. I literally, over the next two weeks, this was years ago.

I wrote down what kind of relationship I wanted with my ex what kind of father I wanted to be. I wanted to replace quantity of time, and quality of time and 50 50. And I thought how I was going, we’ll make it the most fair divorce in the world. I wasn’t going to listen to any of my friends. I go screw her, screw him.

And she did this and he did this, none of that mattered. Cause my kids were front and center put them center. Then I even wrote down someday when I have a relationship, this is, I need someone who can accept this. Who loves me, will love my kid. Kids like they’re their own. I wrote some really tough things, like almost a red point like that ain’t going to happen.

And I looked back and I I’m, I’m not just trying to say this to be like, Oh, look at my great life. We’ve all had our things, but I found that exact woman, my kids are thriving. My ex and I are dear friends on mother’s day. My wife is sitting down with my kids, making mother’s day cards and presents for my ex.

Like all that, all that happened and it, and it was a lot of work. It wasn’t just that one thing. But man, when he held me accountable to that, at that very moment in my life, I realized the man I wanted to be not at what I wanted to achieve. And I think that’s some of the things we can ask ourselves, right?

Who want to become in your head throughout your thirties, Casanova and you’re listeners your twenties, thirties, forties, who do you want to become? Because a lot of times when you identify who you want to become, the byproduct is more success than you ever imagined possible. even since I’ve been blessed to have incredible success in my life, but the last three years, the greatest success ever.

And I think a lot of it is because I’m aligned with my heart. Love God. Yeah. Universe, anyway, just know, no matter where you are right now, like I said, I bet you I’ve been there.

But there’s a whole another level of life waiting for you and things like listening to Casanova. Listen to this podcast, being here, seeing proof of other people doing it.

That’s really sometimes the only launching pad. You need to make it a reality.

Casanova Brooks:

Facts. No, that’s perfect. Perfect answer. And I guess my question from here is, as we look at all of the success that you’ve had, is when you look back on these last two decades, what’s one thing that you think that if you would have implemented this sooner, that it would have helped to accelerate your dream, becoming a reality.

Dean Graziosi:

Being more honest with myself. Hmm. Yep.

Casanova Brooks:

What did you lie to yourself

Dean Graziosi:

about? being in the wrong relationship and, and, and hiding that from the world, hiding it from my children, hiding it from my family, feeling like I messed up, like your parents messed up and now you just followed exactly what they’ve done.

So I think if I was more honest than opened about that at a, at an earlier time and it would have helped everybody. So that’s probably one of the things I’m so damn transparent now. And probably one of the reasons I said five years, it’s been about fi I said more transparent and less five years that probably taught me my last lesson about be vulnerable, be transparent, say it like it is because it’s the, it’s the quickest way to healing.

Casanova Brooks:

Got it. And do you feel like you were, do you feel like you weren’t, that you didn’t have the right environment?

Cause I’m big on environment. I’m big on relationships. Do you feel like you didn’t have the right environment to challenge with them? Yeah. Point to be more self aware and vulnerable. So it was, and, and if so, if you didn’t have the right environment, do you put that onto yourself?

As in, because you’ve known

Dean Graziosi:

Tony for what? 20 years now? No about 12,

Casanova Brooks:

12 years. Okay. So at that time, when was it, was it a time that, you just felt like those people in your circle weren’t giving you the best of advice or do you feel like they were, you just weren’t listening?

Dean Graziosi:

So here’s something I’ll throw back at you sometimes when you don’t hear the truth, you surround yourself with people who tell you what you want to hear.And I would bet it was more of that, right? It was more of a. If more of I’m just gonna put my head down, be a good dad and be a book, be a good business leader. And why should I, why should I expect a great relationship too, and yeah, like I probably surrounded myself with the people who fueled the wrong thing and you get transparent and you get next level transparent and more open.

Sometimes those people that were around then burn off, they can’t be around such truth. Then God, the universe, whatever you believe in, brings the right people into your life. You don’t have the ability just to be you. And there is no better feeling man than to be who I am right here. And I’m the same exact person to my children.

And I’m seeing exact people to my, with my wife and my team. And if you catch me by accident, like there’s no better feeling being that one, congruent human, like I think that’s the greatest gift.

Casanova Brooks:

Got it. I love it. The last thing I want to know is what’s something that I have not asked you that you wish that I would’ve or something that you’ve been very, transparent about for a lot of people lately,

Dean Graziosi:

I would say lately, I’ve heard more than ever. And I don’t mean to beat up on a topic or touched on, but I’ve heard more than ever this word imposter syndrome. I think it’s always been around. That’s the term now. And I hear it all the time. Like my group’s I could do this, but I feel like I’m an imposter.

I have imposter syndrome and man, I really have gone deep lately thinking through that, like, why is this so relevant? And it’s not the word that’s relevant. It’s always been there. We just gave it a name in recent years. I felt like a phony. I just be honest with you. I still do. Sometimes I felt like a phony so many times and I love sharing it now because the more I share it, I know people go there.

No, do you, I’ve watched you on stage with 30,000 people are Tony and I in front of last year KBB, we had 380,000 people live at one time. And I can do that with confidence with people like you. Nah, it’s hell yes. even partnering with Tony, Yeah. Sometimes I’ll go back to that broke kid who couldn’t read well, who barely graduated high school.

Doesn’t have a college diploma that people told were dumb. I don’t know how that still lives in me because I write books. I live it every day. Personal growth is my life. I like this is what I do. I do a video a day for years, thousands of videos on this and I, I do live a great life. And have abundance in my life.

And I attracted the right wife and much of all, this is great. And still, I have that little annoying voice in me that tells you you’re going to fail. You’re going to lose it all. You’re going to go back to that broke guy. People are gonna discover you’re not that smart. I’d love to say that guy burned off, but he’s still in there.

I’m stronger than him. His voice is little now. He used to have a much bigger voice in my teens and my joints. It’s shut that little guy. He’s little, but it’s still in there. And there’s lots of things I like to be vulnerable, vulnerable about, but that one I love to share because I’m S I still got that scared little kid who lives in me, but I also, and so to you, I also have a hero that lives inside of me.

You said earlier, a superpower, like I have a hero that lives inside of me. And if I invoke his. Thinking if I, if I look for him to come out, the one that helps solve problems, that figures out solutions that takes care of his family, retired his parents and takes care of my kids. And I got my family, my team who works for me, we went through coven, had massive shifts, but I got them and we didn’t have to make massive layoffs and I’m also that guy, I’m also that Clark Kent in there.

And we all have both Dean it’s just which one are you feeding? Are you feeding the, that old Indian proverb about the wolves, right? Which one are you feeding? Are you feeding the one with self doubt and insecurities? Are you the one that can get this done? Take care of and be a leader?

And I would just, I would just say today, The world has gone through a major shift and it’s still in the midst of it. And there’s lots of craziness going on around the world. And I would say if there was ever a time for you to be a role model, to be a leader, to step up is now the world needs you. This isn’t just some crazy crap from a guy that wrote some books.

I’m just telling you I’ve been around. I’ve been on this earth long enough to know what’s going to solve. What’s going on in our world right now is people who step up who have a voice. You become a leader in your home, and then a leader in your community, a leader in your business. You create a tribe, but we need role models.

And if that doesn’t inspire you to say “the hell with these fears, I’m going to slay that dragon. I’m going to face my biggest worries” if that does, if you don’t, if you can’t do it now, when are you?, when is going to be a better time than right now, cause now is the world needs you, especially here in America.

We need you to step up. We need those voices and we need those leaders.

Casanova Brooks:

Man, this has been a phenomenal time with you. I’m so grateful that you came on the show. You blessed us with your wisdom and, that I got the opportunity to talk to you. Remember DreamNation, just as my man said, you have to take action. You have to channel that inner hero because if you do not, it will only merely be a fantasy.

And at the end of the day, we all would rather live with failure than regret. And so that’s all we got for this one. Thank you. I look forward to seeing you on the next one.