Episode 103 – Black Lives Matter: My Response – Are You Willing To Be Uncomfortable?

How is my head? Where’s my heart, you know? And is there anything that they being, the person who reached out to me can do to help. And I thought about that very long and hard before I made a response to everything that’s going on in the world right now. And my response was. You have to be willing to get uncomfortable.

I said in that video for me, I understand my whole entire life what it means to be uncomfortable from growing up as a young black boy, inner city, Chicago raised by a single mom who my dad, I was the only child on my mom’s side, but on my dad’s side last I knew I had 13 brothers and sisters. My dad was never in my life.

He never tried to mend a relationship between he and I, or even my brothers and sisters. And I, so for me, it left me feeling uncomfortable because it left me feeling like, why did my dad not want me, he had relationships with some of my other brothers and sisters, but what was the thing with me? What was wrong with me?

So I was uncomfortable. The next step that I remember at least was I had two best friends and I was young. First, second grade, we did everything together. We were like the Three Musketeers, one day on a Sunday. They, we always went to the beach together. We always went swimming together. We did everything that we could together.

And on a Sunday they came over, they said, Hey, we’re going to the beach. You want to come? And for whatever reason, I couldn’t tell you why. I just decided to say, [00:02:00] nah, you know what? I’m not going to go today. And they went without me a couple hours later, their parents come knocking on my mom and grandma’s door and says, Hey, do you know where the boys are?

They say no, Cass is here. Cass, do you know where they are? I say, Hey, they went to the beach a couple of hours later. It comes out that they both drowned at that beach that morning. This was in Chicago. They were, from what I remember again, I was very young at this time of 7-8 years old, but from what I remember, they were trying to surf off of one of the big pier rocks and they both drowned.

I could have been right there with them. On top of that, everything that I saw growing up was drugs, gangs, violence. My mom had deep connections with all of the gang bangers there was there in town. My father, not my dad, but my father who my mom had dated right before I was born. Uh, I want to say there was a double murder and my father.

It was said that he didn’t do it but long story short. He decided he wasn’t going to tell. So he was sentenced to life in prison with no parole without the possibility of parole. And so I remember when I was younger, he would write me letters, but I never had a real relationship with him nor was I his seed.

So we never built a real bond, but because of the relationships that my mom had with him, as well as many other people in the neighborhood, she always wanted to stay in that neighborhood. So for me, I grew up around drugs, gangs violence, one of her later boyfriends when I remember when I was nine or 10 years old, If you could picture, , we lived in an apartment which had two bedrooms.

My mom and grandma had a bedroom, one bath, and then there was like a living room area. And my bedroom, my bed was the living room area. And so whenever any of her guy friends would come over and they would [00:04:00] always use our apartment for whatever reason to shoot dice inside of the home. Cause I guess if you’re shooting it outside on the street corner, you know, there’s, there’s so much risk in that, but.

They would always use our, our house. It felt like. And so I saw that a lot of the times they was just shooting dice and it was what it was. Well, one night, one of her boyfriends, N ot one of her, but the guy who she was talking to at that time, um, long story short. They were over there, they were shooting dice.

My mom always braided his hair, just like she did many other people in the neighborhood, especially like the, her, they called them The Most like the gang banger. She would braid their hair. That was kind of one of the things that she was known for when the way they shot dice. He, he had a lot of money. I remember just hearing this story afterwards, but long story short, he wants up going home that night.

He, you know, intoxicated and he doesn’t notice that. Um, his locks at the back door had already been picked. So as he gets inside, he walks inside and he did have a, at least a fiance or girlfriend, a baby mother, and a daughter. And so right when he gets inside, you know, from the story that I remember being nine or 10 years old, they basically, you know, pin him up and they say, you know, where’s the money, where’s the safe.

Um, we won. And as he looks inside, he sees. You know, his fiance, girlfriend, whoever she is to him. Um, and his daughter basically duct taped and tied up and they, if you don’t, if you don’t do it, we’re going to, you know, we’re going to kill him. And, uh, from what I remember, he decided he wasn’t going to tell what the combination to the safe was or, or, uh, where the money was.

And, um, basically they put the gun in his mouth and blew his brains out. And so. I remember hearing that story on the back end for somebody who was just in my bedroom, you know, the night before, less than 12 hours ago, who [00:06:00] treated me like a son who was always around, who was trying to look out for me. And then on top of that, my mom, she had to go braid his hair for the funeral.

And I remember her describing that moment, not to me, but to other people. And I was around. So again, early on, I understood trauma, understand adversity, you know, next. Next stint in life. And I think that was a lot of the reason why my grandma really made that decision when I was. 13 years old to try to say, Hey, we got to get casts about it here.

We, you know, because all he see in his drugs, gangs violence. And so we gotta get him up outta here. Cause otherwise he’s going to grow up to feel like this is his life. This is all he is made for. And. And that’s why I’m so appreciative. And every time I speak, always give the praise to my grandma because she did so much for me so much for my mindset.

She was military. She did have a very unique way of doing things and, um, her and I, a lot of the times didn’t get along, but I knew that she was my OG right. She was the one who was always there for me. And she always loved me unconditionally. So my grandmother and I were always close. We are still close and, and I’m so, so thankful for her, but she made that decision when I was 13 to say, Hey, we, you know, we got to get casts about it here.

And I was like, okay, um, I thought that it was going to be a longterm process. Right. I thought it was going to be like six months. Cause again, um, inner city, we never ever traveled my mom, my grandma, my family never owned a house car, business, no nothing. Right. And so for me, I only saw the people in my neighborhood who really looked like me.

So yeah. When my grandma and I took this, this ride on a Greyhound to go check out a small town in Iowa called Sioux city. Um, we go there, we look at it and everything looks so different to me. I never thought that, you know, less than basically two weeks later, if I remember [00:08:00] correctly, my stuff would be all packed into a U hall and.

We will be driving to Sioux city, Iowa, which is where I was going to finish off the rest of my life, at least for the foreseeable future. And so that was a huge, huge thing. But again, what did that mean? That meant that I had to get uncomfortable, right? Because the reason was when I got to Sioux city, it was a lot more diverse than Chicago.

But for me, I didn’t see a lot of people who look like me, so I could even sit and build no relationships and feel like, just because you didn’t look like me it had to mean that you were against me, you weren’t for me. Right. Or that meant that I could adapt to my situation. I could try to get the most out of my life and I could try to give everyone their fair shot.

And luckily enough for me, I was young enough that I wasn’t 18, 19, 21 years old, where I had that ignorant mindset. And I already had that stamp in my mind that, you know, everyone was out to get me, which means I was going to lash out at everyone and just create more enemies for myself and create less opportunities for myself.

But again, it meant that I was uncomfortable so much of the way, because I didn’t see people who look like me because I was trying to figure out where could I fit in that? Because if I hung with too many black people, these people wouldn’t accept me and being a young boy, you don’t understand, you know, Hey, I gotta be comfortable in my own skin.

You’re just trying to figure out how can I have good friends, how can I be a part of the crowd? How can I get that girl? How can I, you know, basically just maintain my sanity as a young boy. Right? And so that was another stent of me being uncomfortable less than two years later. I’m diagnosed with stage four lymphoma cancer, never, ever sick as a child.

Now, all of a sudden, I go from a popular kid. I adapted really quickly. I’m on the dance squad and playing basketball, football, track. Everything’s going well, very popular. I hang with the older kids and with the younger kids articulate very well. [00:10:00] I still got charisma in a sense, right. I’m only 15 years old, but I got some type of charisma.

Now all of a sudden I’m two weeks away from death. How did I cope with it? I didn’t know how to cope with it. I didn’t know what to say. Quickly I found out that the school found out the city found out everyone who knew me, parents and my peers were all, man. Are you okay? When I came back to school, I spent 45 days at the university of Iowa which is where my primary physician was four and a half hours away from Sioux city.

On top of that, my mom wants up getting my dad on the phone. I remember the conversation just like it was yesterday. He says, “what’s up shorty?” I say, Hey, what’s up… I’m in the hospital bed. He says, “so your mom tells me you’re sick”. Now. Keep in mind. I’m in Iowa city at this time, he’s in Chicago. It’s maybe about three and a half hours away while I was in Sioux city.

It’s more like seven and a half to eight hours. I say, yeah, He says, “Oh, well, you’re going to be, are you got strong genes?” That’s all he says, I say, yeah, I’ll be good. Not once,. Did he make an attempt to come see me. Keep in mind when I was younger, he had left me on the doorstep a couple of different times where he told me he was going to come and he did it even as I was older.

I can look back since CJ, my son who’s nine. Now, since he’s been born. I can look back and there’s one story that always sticks out in my mind. And I’ll tell you this. I was a freshmen in high school. This was before I was diagnosed with cancer and my cousin, Jessica, who is my first cousin, my grandma had my uncle and she had my mom.

So my cousin we’re nine months apart. We were always very close. She, she was always bossy to me. Let’s just say that she always wanted to do it her way. Me [00:12:00] being an only child, I was like, no, like, I mean, she was my sister, but I never had to do things other people’s way, but she always found a way to try to make me do it her way.

But anyway, so. Um, I go back to Chicago. I’m living in Sioux city, my cousin, Jessica, who originally went to Sioux city, which is another reason why my grandma decided it would be very good for me to move to Sioux city because she was already there. And again, my grandma had my uncle who had her, and my mom. Who had me.

So we were always very close to my grandma’s says, okay, Jessica is already there. Um, let me, let’s, let’s get Cass there too. And they can continue to live life together. And so then in eighth grade, her mom decides to move back to Chicago and obviously she goes too and, um, and, uh, My mom and grandma decided to keep me there.

So in that summer, you know, of ninth grade, the next year I go back to Chicago and I’m staying with Jessica and her mom. And, um, my mom wants up getting my dad on the phone, like a three way call and says, Hey, you know, basically “Cass is in town. You know, it would be great if you could, you know, come see him and, you know, try to.

Take him out, just build a relationship.” So she gets him on the phone and he’s like, “Oh yeah”. And keeping my, my dad, from what I can remember, he was always an entrepreneur. I don’t think this is where I got my spirit from when people ask this is why I never mentioned it because I didn’t know him. But what I did know is that he had multiple hair salons, like inside of JC Penny’s and even standalone shops that he had.

And, um, That’s what he did. So he had hair salons and things like that. And so I remember him being on the phone saying, “Oh yeah. When I get done at the shop, I’m going to come get you. We’re going to go out, grab some dinner and maybe take you to go see your brothers and sisters”. I’m like, all right, cool.

Well that same night there was a party. At my high school. Like there was [00:14:00] basically a freshman party or whatever you want to call it. So she’s getting ready to go, her friends to coming to pick her up. And she’s like, yo, you want to come? Like come? And, and me again, being naive and thinking like, no, my dad’s coming.

So I remember telling her like, no, like I’m, I’m a, I’m a chill here. My dad’s coming to get me. She like, Oh, like you sure? Like”come to this party, it’s going to be dope”. And I’m like, yeah. Now, like my dad’s coming, he’s going to be here. He’s going to come get me. And she’s like, yo, and I’m like, nah, he’s coming.

So she leaves and I sit on that doorstep in, um, an hour, goes by two hours, goes by. And I think when she originally first left, it was probably around seven o’clock and you know, eight o’clock goes by nine o’clock goes by 10 o’clock goes by no call. The time, texting wasn’t big, but he’d still didn’t text.

There was nothing. And he never, ever came nor did he tell me, “yo shorty, yo son, I’m not going to be able to make it tonight”. So I sat on that doorstep and I remember it was around 11:45 at night and Tess comes home and she says, what happened? Did he come? And I say, nah, he never came. And she sat down next to me and she put her arms around me and she said, “don’t worry about it.

You’ll be a better man than he ever was.” And yeah, she’s always been a protector of my heart. She’s always been an amazing sister, cousin, whatever you want to call her. But that was at that time where maybe you could say I got numb. But it just was one of the other times that again, I was put in a position to feel uncomfortable.

I wasn’t right. I looked at is I was the victim. Right. So that’s one of those stories fast forward to when I had cancer and he never came [00:16:00] again. Now the school knows the city knows, and I’m a victim again, my whole entire life. I’ve had to go through adversity. I’ve always put myself sometimes as a choice because of the fact that I wanted to take risks, because I understand that when no risk comes no reward, right.

For most of us, we want a 1%er lifestyle, but yet we find comfort so much comfort in security. And I understand that not everyone, the level of risks that you take will always be. Dependent on who that person is, and so I say that because. You have to understand that the reason why most issues and problems arise is because people are not willing to be uncomfortable when you go through that much adversity in life. When you go through losing your mom, your grandma, your home, all within a matter of weeks, I understand what it’s like to be uncomfortable.

Now, I always say that this is not a plea. For anyone to feel sorry for me, because I understand that the problems. That I’ve had in life. I’ve been very blessed to overcome them. Whereas some men, especially black men and some people in general, black women and minorities and LGBT and people with disabilities have not been able to overcome them.

And they’ve, they’ve sunken into depression and they’ve sunken into PTSD. So again, I’m not asking for a plea or cry for help, but what I’m seeing is for most people, They’re not willing to get uncomfortable, which leads to even more problems. See, for me, I told my wife just recently that yeah, at least indefinitely, we will not be supporting Walmart.

Now, let me tell you the [00:18:00] backstory on this. I’ve always been an avid supporter of Walmart. I understand me living out, even in Western Omaha, which is a catholic conservative state when most people think of Omaha, first off, if you’re not from the Midwest, when a lot of people think Omaha, they see for whatever reason, refer to it as Oklahoma, like I’ve been in so many podcasts with the Dream Nation Podcast and, and so many.

Other things that people are like, Oh yeah, you’re from Oklahoma. Right. And I don’t know where the correlation between Omaha and Oklahoma comes from. I guess it’s just the “O”, but it is what it is. But when most people think of Omaha, the correlation is Warren buffet. Right. You have Berkshire. Most people would think, Oh, Warren buffet.

And they say, Oh yeah, he’s from Omaha. Or maybe even the Omaha World Series, things like that. But here’s what I’ll say in Omaha. I live out in Western Omaha and the plight that I have, doesn’t get any easier, the neighborhood that I live in, which yes, I choose to live in to try to give my kids a better life.

There’s not a lot of people who look like me. And so I say all of that because for many people, they will have conversations with me. And they’ll love me. Right. And really it’s my personality, whether it’s the fact that I have a white wife, whether it’s that I’m in real estate and I can help them buy property, whatever it is.

But my question and my call to action, always for anyone is, are you willing to be uncomfortable when I’m not around to defend me as if I was around? See for many people, they’re not. And that’s where the issue comes in. It’s in the silo conversations, it’s in the conversations to when there’s only four people or five people.

And you’re sitting around the water [00:20:00] cooler or you’re, at the lunch table at work, or if you’re at your son’s baseball game or soccer game, or if you’re in your driveway at the bonfire, if you’re over your neighbor’s house and they got the pool, right. All of these situations, or maybe you own a nonprofit and, and you’re, you’re scared that your funders or your donors or your families or whatever else, won’t support you.

If you make a stance. See the issue, what we really ran into with this police brutality only in this one specific case, but really in many other cases, I don’t want to say that, but in the recent ones, right. Especially Ahmad Aubrey and even George Floyd is the fact that there was multiple people around.

And the issue was that no one was willing to get uncomfortable with the guy who was following Ahmad Aubrey for four minutes. Not that the father and the son, but the other guy. He said that he was in his own home. And then before you know it, within the next 10 minutes, he found himself to be a part of this.

However, it happened, he didn’t want to stand up and be a leader. He didn’t want to speak out. Why, is because he inherited an ignorant mindset. See, I’m truly of the belief that racism is something that’s taught from generations behind. Great. Grandfather’s grandfathers. Right? And then dad’s, and then it’s passed on.

No one is born racist. It’s the things that they’re taught along their way. And then they develop an ignorant mindset that says that they’re superior for most people. They don’t want to get uncomfortable and yet they just go with the flow. Back to the Walmart [00:22:00] story of, of why I told my wife that we will not support Walmart is because I’ve always been an avid supporter of Walmart.

I understand me I live out in West Omaha and it’s suburban life and, and Targets are out here. And so what I’ll say with that is I understand that with Target, they know who their demographic is. It’s suburban moms. And that’s okay. Right. For me, I’ve always understood that I was a part of Walmart’s tribe, but as everything that’s gone on, I’ve looked at all the Walmart social platforms and I’ve seen nothing, even Sam’s club, I’ve seen nothing.

And I’m not seeing that the CEO had to get out there, put his fist up in March and protest and riot with everyone else. But how hard was it? How hard is it to put a post up that says. Racism has no place in this country. We will not stand for it. We stand with our black employees, our black consumers and our black partners who support us in our establishment.

How hard was that to do? They didn’t do any of that. There’s many other organizations that I see that are even locally. They would love to have me on their board. They would love to have a black face on their board. But yet in a time like this, where we have a plea for help, or we say, listen, we’ve supported you.

We’re just asking for the same support back. We’ve stood with you. When you tried to get your message out to the people, to our people. We’re just asking for that same response from you. And yet you’ve went silent, which in my mind, if you make no statement, you’re basically making a statement. See a lot of people they’re just not willing to get uncomfortable.

And so for many a black men, many a black women, we understand what [00:24:00] it’s like every single day to be uncomfortable. It’s already uncomfortable. When you’re trying to make a better way for your family, because in the black community, it’s already your plight to try to get out. When it’s like crabs in a barrel, they pull you back down the way that you talk the way do you think if it’s not like them, ah, you’re a white person, regardless of the color of your skin, you’re uppity.

You think that you’re holier than thou right? So it’s tough when you’re trying to get out of your community to give something better to your family. When you’re trying to get out of the drugs, gangs violence, and this is not all black communities, I don’t say any of these to have a blanket statement. I don’t believe that all cops are racist.

I don’t believe that all white people are racist. I don’t believe that all black people are criminals, thugs. Any of those things. So I’m not making blanket statements, but what I am saying is you have to ask yourself, who are you? Because at the end of the day, you stand for something. And most of the time you want your kids to stand for something, especially when, in terms of leadership and in terms of what they believe in.

So if you’re not standing up for police brutality, if you’re constantly trying to make kneeling about the flag, When we know that its not about the flag and we know that it’s about equality in a country. That’s supposed to be Justice And Liberty For All, okay. What are you really making a stance on? If you’re not telling your kids, listen, when you get to school, this is something that I’ve told my own son.

I said, listen, CJ. It’s okay to not like someone. But it’s not okay to not like someone because of their race. It’s not okay to not like someone because of their accent. It’s not okay to not like someone because of how they identify. That’s [00:26:00] not who we are. That’s not what we do every morning before my son goes to school.

If you ask him, I always say, what are we going to do? What’s the two things he says, be great. Number two, be a leader. Think about it. We idolize the 1% of people in this world, but yet we listen and follow the other 99% of people.

We give superiority to history, regardless if it was good or bad history, you have to understand that the plight, that many people go through. They’re not asking for sympathy. They’re not even asking necessarily for empathy. They’re asking for equality. They asking for fairness, if you’re a white person and you’re listening to this podcast right now, or if you’re, if you’re just someone that’s not of color, think about if you had to lay face down on the ground.

Where you did nothing wrong, where you were unarmed and you had someone that had their knee on your neck for even three minutes, let alone, not just one person, but three people that had their knees on your body treating you like a dog, like a caged animal. When you were unarmed, how would that make you feel?

Let me even ask, even if it was yo I’m tough, or you could say you’re tough. What if they did that to your son? What if they did that to your daughter? What if you saw a police officer that punched your daughter multiple times after they were in cuffs? Because they were trying to plead their case because they felt that they were being.

Unlawfully convicted of something where there was no proof, there was no evidence it’s supposed to be in this country innocent [00:28:00] until proven guilty. There’s a movie that we just watched the other day. And then I never saw a movie that made me cry more. Maybe there’s only two movies that have made me cry a little bit more, and one would be The Pursuit of Happiness.

And the second would be John Q, but this movie was called Just Mercy. And just mercy as Jamie Fox and Michael B. Jordan in it. And it showed the story and the plight of a man who was put on death row in Alabama one year before he even had trial. Can you imagine that you’re convicted of a crime that you know you didn’t commit.

People lied on you, everything was cohercive and you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. And now you’ve been sentenced to not only prison, but death row and you didn’t even get a trial. The reality of it is it’s like that for many black people. And so again, my call to action for you is. Are you a part of a nonprofit?

Are you the leader of a nonprofit or you’re part of an organization? Are you a business owner? Are you just an employee? It doesn’t matter where you are. Doesn’t matter what your title is, but what matters is over the next month, we’re going to have 4th of July over the next three months. Football season will start back up over the next six months.

We’ll go through Thanksgiving. We’ll, also go through Christmas, big holidays where families get together and trust them, believe there will be conversations that will come about and they’ll speak on Colin Kaepernick. They were speak on police brutality. And if someone did something to deserve that. So the reality of it is that I’m going to be transparent.

And I remember him making a comment to me saying like, Oh, if you were just do what the cops would say. Listen, there is the law and there is law enforcement, but you are not the law. You uphold the law, but you are not the law. And so again, it’s me being uncomfortable, me feeling like I don’t want to disrespect an elder where even the grandfather of my child, but also understanding that, okay, he sees us as inferior.

In that statement is showed it Drew Brees. Same way. I’ve always been a fan of drew Brees. I think many black people have been he’s in one of the most diverse cultures in America. One of the definitely, probably the most urban team in the NFL. He’s played with black players all of his life, but yet. He had an opportunity to speak up for the same people.

Who’s fought for him every step of the way on that football field, whose blood, sweat, tears who’s blocked for him. And what did he say? He said that “I won’t stand any disrespect against the flag because of my two great grandfathers.” Wasn’t thinking about anybody else he felt at that time that he was superior.

And don’t tell me that he didn’t feel superior because of the fact that he is a quarterback and a quarterback in the national football league. We always know, no [00:32:00] matter what age, once your kids want to be quarterbacks because they’re the leaders.

They’re the one who touches the ball. And as you get older, a quarterback, it’s supposed to be the leader of that team, of any NFL team of the college team. That’s what it is. So he’s always seen himself as a leader. So he had a chance to take a stance as a leader, and he did take the stance. And unfortunately he took a stance.

That was an ignorant, one because he didn’t think. About how it can make anyone else feel. He felt superior. The same thing that happens with police officers. The same thing that happens when people say that kneeling is disrespecting the flag. And in my opinion, the same thing that happens when someone decides to not speak up.

So again, my call to action to you is if you’re someone. Who is wondering how you can help. If you’re someone who’s saying, you know what? I won’t tolerate racism in my community. Definitely not in my household and in any place where I frequently patronize, my question to you is, are you willing to get uncomfortable?

Because the reality of it is if you get uncomfortable, You’re probably not going to get shot. You’re probably… your ego might be hurt because someone might say something to you, but it allows you to see their true colors, but you’re not going to be choked out, but you do have an opportunity to take a stance.

You do have an opportunity to make sure that the next generation, that your kid, they stand for something.

That’s what I have for this one, guys. I hope… I have a dream. As I said, in my video, I have a dream similar to MLK. I don’t want to compare myself to MLK because obviously I know I haven’t accomplished nearly what he has in terms of the [00:34:00] progression of the world and how much he did for marching, for protesting and for giving insight on where we can be.

50, 60 years later. But I still have a dream. And as I always say on these podcasts, “In The dream We Trust”, I’m sure if you’re listening to this podcast right now, or if you’re listening to this audio anywhere, you have a dream. And that means that you stand for something and you want to make your dream a reality.

Whereas I stay on these podcasts as well. If you don’t take action or to only merely be a fantasy, my call to action for you. Is to be willing to get uncomfortable. That’s how we make progression. That’s how we get change. I’m not saying don’t protest. I’m not saying don’t go out and vote. I’m not saying, you know, don’t call your local authorities because all of those things are very important, but in these smaller conversations, when there’s no black people around, when there’s no people of color around when there’s no LGBT around.

When there’s not someone who’s disabled around, can you be a voice for that person? Can you stand up? Can you be an advocate? Can you be a leader for that person regardless if they know it or not, because you know that it’s the right thing to do. So I got on this one, guys. I look forward to seeing you and rocking with you on the next one.

We’ll talk soon.