Are you one of the many who feels stuck? Who are sure, they are not living the life they want for themselves, but do not know how to get out of it? Do you feel you are in a loop, feeling like something is holding you back? You know you should be doing better, but just couldn’t?
We will let you in in a secret. It is not you who’s holding you back, it is fear. Nothing is wrong with you, it’s fear. Yes, “fear is the number one reason that’s stopping people people from going after their dreams or their business goals or whatever else.”
Did you see it quoted? It is, because it’s is a line from Rhonda Britten, our podcast guest for this episode who always says you got to live fearless. Live fearless. I am sure this quote is nothing new, you’ve seen it in posters, you read it everywhere. But Rhonda, isn’t just some random people who happened to like this saying. She lives by it.
After you hear her story, I’m sure you’ll definitely agree. What happened in the worst day of her life, what she went through after that, what she did to get through it, and what she is doing now to help others forgive and leave fear behind, will surely move us to be start living fearless in order to dream and dream big and actualize that dream.
How To Achieve Fearless Living in 2021? Here’s What You Missed
- What happened on the worst day of Rhonda’s life
- What she did to overcome it
- What are the phases of forgiving
- How to stay focus on your goals
- The step by step process on how she grew her coaching business
- Why must we tell our secrets
- What is fear, how fear works and how to never be held back by it
When Rhonda went with her life after the horrific incident happened, it seems to everyone that she had her life together, but inside it’s the opposite. Her outside insight and her inner self were so mismatched. She got straight A’s in high school, went to a huge university then minored in theater, her first love in her early years. But when she moved to LA to pursue acting, she was frozen for two years, she couldn’t reach out, she did not know how to. She was afraid to ask. She turned to vices and commit a couple of suicide attempts. Then she realized it was fear that’s holding her back, her past haunted her. After several attempts of getting help didn’t made her fully recover, she made exercises for her self which saved her life, and is now saving others.
[3:53] Success is to have full self expression. If you are not expressing yourself fully, then you are not successful in being you. Some cultures teaching young kids to stay quite. Grownups did not want to hear and talk about what you feel, do not talk about dreams. Don’t live by it, express yourself.
[28:21] Live the life that is yours. Our most valuable asset in this life is time. We do not know when it’ll end. So live life by your design, not by other people’s, not because it’s the culture.
[31:47] Forgiveness is a multimedia, it’s a layered process. You can only forgive based on your level of awareness. You’ll grow and you’ll shift, you’ll become more aware. Then you’ll have access to another level or pockets of emotions and feeling hidden inside, then you’ll be ready to heal that part. That’s is how you’ll forgive completely, and it’s an affirmation that you’re growing. Keep exposing parts of yourself, be willing to be more vulnerable, more courageous.
[46:29] How to be successful so fast? Put your blinders on and just do the work. Focus on what you are doing, focus on your calling, be devoted, know that you are in a mission, and don’t mind what others are doing- that’s the fastest route to success. Focus on the work that you need to do, regardless of whether you are confident, etc. Just work, and the work that you do will hone you and will make you who you’re meant to be.
[50:00] Do not look at everybody’s end result. However, look at how they reach that kind of result. In that way, you’ll not end up comparing yourself with somebody who’s already decades in the industry, and be discouraged that you are reaching what she/he already have. Understand that it is a journey, and it has stepping stones.
[56:59] The secrets that we keep are the stories that we must tell. Having a secret is like having a part of you that’s unexpressed. By telling your story, not necessarily to everyone, other people will understand where you are coming from, they’ll learn the lesson of it, and most of all it will free you. You will no longer have to hide and pretend.
[1:03:00] You are worth forgiving. This is the hardest thing other people wrestle with, they haven’t forgiven themselves on what they haven’t done yet, for not acting on their dream. Forgive yourself, it’s never to late to work on it.
[1:05] It is fear that is holding you back. Will you let the fear run your life? Or will you take over it? Freedom equals your capacity to live in the unknown. Fear says, you don’t know enough and it’s the unknown that paralyzes you. Learn about fear, how it works, and how to overcome the fear of unknown.
Important Reads and Links
How to Overcome Fear of Unknown: https://fearlessliving.org/gift/
Rhonda Britten Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rhondabritten/
Rhonda Britten YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/RhondaBritten
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Click Here for a full transcript of this episode:
This is an automated transcript done through Descript.
[00:00:00] Casanova Brooks: [00:00:00] What’s up dream nation. Today we are back again with another, I’m sure is going to be phenomenal episode and I’ll tell you the reason why I’m so excited about this, and you can probably hear it in my voice, is because I feel like that I’m talking to family and when I say that, it’s just because. When you have someone that you’ve been able to meet in such a short amount of time, but when you read their backstory, you just understand that there’s a reason why you were connected with this person.
Have you ever felt that? I’m sure that I’m not the only one. So without further ado, please help me in welcoming miss Rhonda Britten to the show. Rhonda, you want to go ahead and say, what’s up to Dream Nation?
Rhonda Britten: [00:00:42] Oh my gosh. Hello dream nation. I’m so excited to be here because it’s dreaming. And, and building a dream and having a dream is one of my favorite things in the whole world.
And in order to do it, you gotta be fearless.
Casanova Brooks: [00:00:55] You gotta be fearless. And that’s what we’re going to tap into. But before, before we get into that, I always like to make sure that I can give the proper introduction. And I mean, just looking at your story, it’s so incredible, but at the same time, how long that you’ve been able to be sustainable, you know, which is what a lot of people struggle with, no matter what the industry is.
So. Let me ask before you being featured on NBC and Fox and Oprah and Huffington Post and everything else right before the 20 year career, let’s take it back to when you were just a young girl and tell me who is Rhonda Britten?
Rhonda Britten: [00:01:33] Oh my gosh. Well, you know what, I what? Gosh, that’s such a good question. Who is Rhonda Britten?
You know, I was just talking about this yesterday with my best friend. I think the thing that makes me. Makes me Rhonda Britten, is that I have a pure heart and I am committed. To not only supporting myself and understanding how I am meant to live the life my soul intended, but helping others do it as do it as well.
So, you know, I love the phrase, “live the life your soul intended”, because I don’t want to create [00:02:00] a life based on my head. I want to create a life based on my heart, right? I want to create a life that is, you know, kind of like my destiny. So what makes me, Rhonda Britten is probably, I kept going. No matter what, no matter how dark it was, no matter how deep it was, no matter how horrific it was, I kept going and I’d be happy to, you know, share the worst day of my life whenever you think it’s appropriate.
But, you know, I think for me it’s just that I kept going and I kept, I kept going.
Casanova Brooks: [00:02:28] Got it. I love it. And that’s what we all need to hear. We all need to keep taking one step at a time. But let’s talk about when you were a young girl, like what was the day in the life like of Rhonda, if you can remember back, were you someone who was always trying new things?
Did you know your path? You know, cause now you’re an incredible speaker and teacher, but when you were young. Was it like, what was that like for you?
Rhonda Britten: [00:02:51] I just wanted to like sing and dance, you know? That’s all I wanted to do. I thought I was going to be a famous actress, you know, I just would put on shows for people.
You know, my mother, one of my mom’s best friends said to me years ago, she goes, your mom would always look at you as you’re singing and dancing and put on a show. She, she’d look at you and go, you know, she might be famous yet, you know? So that was me. I just. Loved people. I went to church all the time.
Church was one of my favorite places in the whole world. I would sing in choirs. I sang for shows, I had private voice lessons, and I remember I wanted to sing. And then when I was in high school, I had my first. you know, acting thing, right? My first acting show and my acting coach came up to me and I grew up in a little tiny town and, you know, there was just a hundred people per class, in the middle of nowhere.
And my acting coach came up to me and said, you could be an actress. It took me years to actually fulfill that dream because I was so petrified of it, which is a whole story in itself. But I think me growing up is, I just wanted, I just wanted to express myself and it’s, my definition of success actually is my definition of success is to have full self expression.
You know, if you are not expressing yourself fully, then you are not [00:04:00] successful in being you.
Casanova Brooks: [00:04:02] love that you said that. And I will want to tap into, first off, let’s tap into that. Why were you still afraid of it? You know, in the beginning, because I feel like a lot of people, they are dealing with that right now.
Why do you think you were so afraid of it?.
Rhonda Britten: [00:04:18] You know, I was, I was taught growing up that you have to be quiet. You know, like even though I was singing and dancing, that was appropriate cause I was putting on a show. But otherwise, you know, nobody wanted to hear my feelings. We didn’t talk about feelings. We didn’t talk about dreams.
There was no dreaming in my family that like, that was not the conversation we had. my father and my mother, they weren’t. You know, dreamers per se. And even just the culture I lived in, in the, in upper Michigan, that’s just not what people do. They don’t go and have a dream, you know, they just work and then they just go home and then they have dinner and then they work.
So, I don’t even think, besides like wanting to sing and dance. I didn’t know how to actualize a dream. I didn’t know how to put that in motion, but I also thought that was like for somebody else and not me. Even though it was kind of pulling me still, like I like I went to college and I minored in theater.
Like God forbid I major in theater. Right? I got a minor in it. Right? And then I eventually, through a course of events, moved to Los Angeles to start acting, but it took me two years. I was paralyzed. I literally was waitressing. I didn’t know what to do. Even though in LA, you know, back then there were, you know, backstage and all these things like, here’s what you do.
But I was petrified to pick up that thing and go to an audition. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was completely lost and I didn’t know how to get help. Like I didn’t know how to ask. I went through high school and college, get this, never asking a question. Because how I was raised as asking a question is bad.
You’re dumb. You’re this. So you have to figure it out on your own. The only way it counts, that’s how I grew up. The only way it counts is you have to figure it out by yourself. So here I am in Los Angeles [00:06:00] wanting to be an actress, and for two years, literally two years, waitressing, sitting in my little studio apartment.
Frozen and it wasn’t until I met somebody where I was waitressing my new waitressing place that basically said, Rhonda, hey this is what you do, a, B, and C. But I had no ability to ask. I had no ability to reach out. I had no, I guess thought like, well, if it’s going to happen, I guess it’s just going to happen.
I don’t know. I didn’t know how to connect the dots.
Casanova Brooks: [00:06:28] And so was there a lot of resentment, the fact that you decided you were going to move out, you were going to move to LA, right? And you were going to do your own thing, and just like you said, you know, you had to minor, was that by choice or was it out of basically fear that someone else would, would basically try to tear down your dreams when you said you minored rather than majored in theater?
Rhonda Britten: [00:06:51] Oh yeah. When I minored in theater, it’s like to major in it. A silly thing. One I didn’t believe. Well, one, I didn’t know that I knew anything. And you know, you have to remember, I grew up in a little tiny town, and now I’m going to the university of Minnesota, which at the time was the largest enrollment school in the country.
So now there are people all over, you know, in the theater department that had been acting for decades, you know, like years. And they’re professionals and they’ve done shows. And. It just, I couldn’t compete. You know, when I grew up, I was a big fish in a little pond, right? There were three of us that are actors, so it was like, of course I’m good.
Right? But when you take that big fish in a little pond and now you’re the little fish in the big pond, it just was like, I can’t compete with this. They’re better than me. And I had no, I didn’t have enough self esteem. I didn’t have enough self confidence to actually believe I could do it. Now, this is the trick, is that if you would have met me.
You would have thought I had confidence and self esteem because I was really good at, hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Right. Like I, I right. I was like, I ran for, I belong to a sorority and I was like one of the leaders in the sorority. And then I, was chosen to be the, the [00:08:00] only woman, college student on this finance committee for the entire university of Minnesota.
I was the only woman and the only student, which was amazing, right? So it’s kind of like, you know, I got these accolades. But not about anything that I really wanted. And so on the outside it looked like I had it together, but on the inside I did not have it together at all. And because that was a break, right.
There was the outside of the insight were so mismatched, I couldn’t ask for help. I couldn’t reach out. I couldn’t go and take action on the things I wanted to because you already thought it was successful. You already thought I had it together. So I didn’t know how to, I didn’t know how to do that. And it’s actually one of the reasons I do what I do today, because, you know, when I first started, you know, recovering from the worst day of my life.
I really realized that I didn’t know how to do the very, you know, like when you read a book, it says love yourself. It’s like, how do you love yourself if you don’t love yourself? Like I, you know, people just say like, Oh, just do it. It’s like, just do it. What are you talking about? What do you mean? Just do it, you know?
What do you mean love yourself? What do you mean get confidence? I tell me exactly what to do and nobody really would tell me what to do. They would give me like, Hey, do this, but it, but it wasn’t literally step by step like. Like, okay, Rhonda, now this is like, do this, right? Like, and so I’m dedicated to practical application, to help people move forward because I needed that.
I don’t need, again, I, you know, of course I-
Casanova Brooks: [00:09:33] You had the motivation, but you need the tactical steps to get from point a to point Z.
Rhonda Britten: [00:09:38] And not only tactical, but also just how do you go from being afraid to ask a question, to have the courage to ask a question. So not only did I need tactical, I needed skills, I needed tools, and I needed to start having a different image of myself.
You know? I remember one of the biggest changes in my life was when I had [00:10:00] the realization that what if everybody was right about me and I was wrong about me? Wow. What if everybody else is right, cause they’d be like, Oh, Rhonda, you’re great at this, around it. You’re good at this, Rhonda. Yeah. And they would put praise on me and I’d be like, you don’t know me.
You don’t know what I’m really like inside. Right. And I, and I started, I remember the day, I remember the day is crystal clear. And I was like, what if they’re right and I’m wrong. Hm. Like, what if I lived inside my compliments? What if I lived inside the things that people said about me? What if I lived in my best press so to speak?
Right? And that was mind blowing to me that they could be right and I could be wrong. Cause I had, I’ve been told my whole life and convinced myself that, you know, I was this way. This is just who I was. I looked good on the outside, but I couldn’t make anything happen on the inside.
Casanova Brooks: [00:10:50] So that’s so powerful that you said you didn’t believe enough in yourself and the fact that you were saying, wow, could, how could someone else have more belief in me?
And that’s what I think that we experience a lot of the times. Talk to me about. Was there ever a moment that started all of this negative self-talk or belief for you? Like was there one day or one event that happened that maybe allowed you to start thinking that the negativity was the right way? Like was there ever that one point?
Rhonda Britten: [00:11:23] Yeah.Story of her life
Well, I’ll just tell you about the worst day of my life because the worst day of my life. Basically proved all my, all my negative self talk was true and that I was in a trap. That I didn’t know how to get out of until, of course, many years later. so this is the worst day of my life. And you know, everyone’s got one, and this is mine.
And mine was when I was 14 years old. And like I said, I grew up in a little tiny town in upper Michigan, 365 inches of snow a year, two restaurants, the fancy Douglas House and big boy. And my father and mother had just separated and my father was coming over to take us out to Sunday [00:12:00] brunch on father’s day, and I don’t know how you grew up, but we have three kids, two adults, five people.
We never went out to eat like that was way too much money. So the fact that he was coming over to take us to the fancy Douglas House buffet for father’s day was like a miracle. Right? And I knew it was only because he was trying to win my mom back. Right. So we’re getting all dressed up. My mom’s putting on her blue eye shadow that fancy bouffant hairdo, her beehive.
I’ve got a brand new dress. She sewed me and my mother made all my clothes and my sisters are fighting it out in the bathroom. My two sisters, we have one little bathroom, we have 850 square foot house. And my dad walks in, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon. Cause that’s the dads do. And me and my mom started walking out with my dad, my two sisters still in the bathroom.
Fighting it out and dad starts sprinkling. And so my dad says he gotta get his coach from the car and as he opens up the trunk of his car, I noticed that he does not grab a coat, but he grabs a gun and he starts yelling at my mother, you made me do this. You made me do this. And he fires. Now I start screaming, dad, what are you doing?
Stop. What are you doing dad? And he cocks. The gun pointed at me. And I absolutely 100% believed I was next. He blinked, I blinked. We like literally just, I basically held my breath waiting to die, and my mother, who already had one bullet in her, sees that gun in my face and screams, no, don’t. And my father realizing my mother’s still alive, takes up bullet intended for me and shoots my mother.
And a second time, and that bullet goes through her abdomen, goes out, her back lands in the car horn, and for the next 20 minutes, all I hear is, and then my father takes the gun, cocks it again, it gets down on his knees, puts the gun to his head and fires. So in a matter of two minutes, I am the sole witness of watching my father murdered my mother and committed suicide.
Now, I don’t know how other people responded, but this is how I responded. It’s my fault [00:14:00] because I was the only one physically out there. I was the only one physically out there that could have stopped it, and I did nothing heroic. I didn’t grab the gun. I didn’t kick my father in the shins. I didn’t even jump in front of my mother.
You know, I didn’t jump in front of my mother. And that moment, when you watch your mother die and you believe it’s your fault. Then happiness is off the table. You don’t get to be happy ever again. Don’t get to be happy. I was 14 and you know, basically that day I like to say I split in two, it’s really where I really, where I split in two because.
You know, on the outside, you know, still when I finished high school, got us, got straight A’s, got a college scholarship. No, I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m fine. And internally, I had this horrific feeling, one of guilt and shame of course, that I was the only survivor.
But also just that I really did believe that there was something wrong with me. And growing up with a father who ends up killing your mom and then kills himself, you also go, okay, well his blood runs through my veins. What am I capable of? So I was on one hand, afraid of myself. I was on one hand, you know, Just, I just thought there was something, there must be something seriously wrong with me. Right? And so I just basically split in two. When I went to high school, like I said, thought, you know, just pretended my way through it. went to college. finally, you know, nobody knew my story. Thought I could hide it, thought nobody knows it, right?
Nobody knows my story.
I’ll be a different person. I’ll be a different person. but you know, when you start stuffing it so deep down. And then you find alcohol. Well, let’s just say, alcohol. I had nightmares every night for decades. my father shooting me every night in my dream. So alcohol became a way that I could sleep, avoid, deny.
So I started drinking and ended up getting
Casanova Brooks: [00:15:51] It was your coping mechanism.
Rhonda Britten: [00:15:52] It was one of my coping mechanisms and one that I enjoyed. Right. But the problem is I wasn’t a fun drunk. [00:16:00] I was, I was, all my feelings of rage came out right. So here I am drinking and I ended up getting three DUIs, end up trying to kill myself three times.
And on my third suicide attempt, I realized I’m not very good at killing myself. Hmm. And I better figure out another way now. Now I want to say something during those years of me, you know, alcohol and DUIs and suicide, I read my first self help book when I was 12. And I was a God girl. Ever since I was little, like, you know, here I’d be reading the Bible, checking off like how many verses I read.
So during that whole time I went to therapy, workshops, read book. I mean, I was varatious reader and you know, went everywhere I could to get help. And it was all nice. It was inspiring. It’s motivating. It was lovely, but it didn’t, you know, it was good. I mean, I filling my toolbox up, you know? But it never took away the feelings that there was something wrong with me.
So during that third, soon after I got home from that third suicide attempt, and by the way, they put you in a psychiatric evaluation of, you’re crazy when you try to kill yourself three times. And they deemed me not crazy. I remember going home and went like, I have tried everything. I’ve gone to therapy, workshops, books.
I’ve done everything I can. I’ve, I’ve, I’ve inner child work, you know, rebirthing, energy work, shamanism, you name it. And, I remember sitting down, I’ll never forget it. I was sitting on the floor of my little studio apartment. With my back to the wall and saying to myself, if I’m not going to die, I better figure out how to live cause I can’t keep living like this.
So that moment I, I said to myself, I have to start over. I have to start at the beginning and what did I do in kindergarten. And so I went and got gold stars and a calendar and still have this calendar, by the way, got gold stars in the calendar. And I said to myself. Rhonda, you have to find out if you’re worth saving.
Okay. And so what I did every day [00:18:00] for 30 days is I gave myself a gold star. For any time that I did anything good. And I mean, the things that I wrote in my calendar, like got angry but didn’t break anything, you know, like, felt hurt but didn’t, you know, attack, you know, like these were just like basic little things, you know, there was nothing amazing on there, right.
It per se in the big scheme of things. But all those little things at the end of the month, I had a calendar filled with stars and I thought, okay, okay. I’m worth saving. And so then I, I started creating exercises for myself because everything that I had tried again inspired me and motivated me. But it didn’t do like what I said earlier.
It didn’t tell me how to go from A, to A.1 to A.2 right. To be like really getting me out of it. and so I made up exercises for myself and then. People started noticing, and I was at church one day and this couple chased me out and said, what are you doing? There’s something different about you and, and I’m going to say this, is that when I was creating these exercises, I was embarrassed because, you know, my thought was therapy isn’t working for me.
That’s how screwed up. I am. So I was embarrassed by these exercises. It wasn’t, I wasn’t proud to create these. I was like, Oh, I must be really screwed up. So when this couple followed out and were like, what are you doing? I was like, nothing. Nothing, nothing I didn’t do. I’m not doing nothing. I’m not nothing at all.
Like, what are you talking about? And they’re like, no, Rhonda, there’s something different about, you know, like what, you know, and like kind of getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar. And they basically like just kept on me until I told them what I was doing. And I said, well, I’m making up exercises.
I said, well, we want one. I’m like, Oh my God, are you kidding me? So I give him one and the next week they come back to me and say, it’s working. We wanother one. I’m like, what? And that was the first moment I thought maybe this wasn’t just for me. It took me many years after to actually start doing it.
But it was the first moment when I went, [00:20:00] Oh. Wow. You mean there are other people that could. Use this. It was mind blowing to me that anybody could use the work that I created for myself to save my life. Story of her life.
Casanova Brooks: [00:20:11] Wow. There’s so much power in that, and I love the fact that you were so transparent about every single emotion.
Thank you for that. One thing that comes to my mind is during this time where you’re at your darkest moment, where are your sisters and did it feel like that you were alone? Because obviously they both still lost parents as well. Was there no type of bond or synergy that you all brought together or did it feel like, no, because you guys didn’t actually witness it like me, even you don’t understand me.
Rhonda Britten: [00:20:46] There was a little bit of that at the end, like you didn’t witness it. And, we also scattered. So, you know, my parents died when I was 14. My little sister was 13. My older sister had just turned 18. And you know, we stayed living in that house. They got in the driveways. He stayed living in that house for the next two years.
And then when I was a senior in high school,
Casanova Brooks: [00:21:05] Did you have like…
Rhonda Britten: [00:21:08] nope. Nobody came. Nobody came. And no relatives came.
Casanova Brooks: [00:21:12] So who was the responsible party?
Rhonda Britten: [00:21:14] The sister who was 18 years old.
Casanova Brooks: [00:21:17] Wow.
Rhonda Britten: [00:21:18] Okay. And so my, my older sister, Cindy, and what I’m saying to you every, you know, I’ve said to her. this is not, you know, like my sister 18, she had gotten C’s and D’s in school, drank, you know, smoked.
I was a straight A student, didn’t drink or smoke. So when I, when my parents died, started raising myself because I can’t go to my sister. She doesn’t. I’m not going to take advice from her. Right. And I remember her telling me, I remember her trying to, you know, give me parental advice. I’d be like, Hmm, let’s see.
You drink and smoke. Let’s say you get started, you get D’s and I get straight A’s and I don’t drink and smoke. I think I will lose myself. Right. So, and then my relatives literally scattered. [00:22:00] I mean, this is, this is how crazy it was. I mean, which makes me, it just, it’s just, it’s shocking to me thinking about it now, but even my, like one of my uncles and my mother had like 11 brothers and sisters and my dad had five brothers and sisters and nobody came.
Nobody helped. And nobody gave us money. Nobody fed us, nobody came over, nothing. And this is kind of like how it is. My uncle, one of my uncles, a couple of years ago when I’m visiting him goes, you know, where did you girls live after that? And I go, we lived in the same house on uncle. And he’s like, well, I drove by once and I’m like.
Great. Thanks. No, but so nobody helped us. And so by the time I was 17, I had my own apartment. My sisters and I had kind of scattered, like my one sister went one place, one sister went another. my little sister Linda was loved by my father and adored by my father. So my sister’s like La-What!La don’t talk about dad.
And she wanted to keep that love bond. my older sister was in her own survival mode. So. You know? So I, you know, I think we were all on our own. We’re all trying to make it on our own, so we talk to each other, but it wasn’t like we were. Sharing things or anything like that, you know?
Casanova Brooks: [00:23:10] Yeah. No, and I couldn’t imagine, you know, so that brings up, I guess that that explains it.
When I was thinking in the beginning where you said, Hey, I grew up in this small town, and then all of a sudden I just make this huge jump and I go to LA. Right. And so it’s like, okay, well that’s, you know, kind of why, because you were already from 17 on your own and trying to figure it all out. So I love the fact that.
Rhonda Britten: [00:23:33] I was going to say I got to LA only because of one reason. You know, I’m, I’m sitting in, you know, taking minor theater, right? And wanting to be an actress, but not knowing how to do it. And I’m looking for a roommate, so God is good to me. I’m looking for a roommate, and the roommate comes in as I’m interviewing roommates and I go, well, where are you from?
Los Angeles? And she’s an actress. And I’m like.[00:24:00] What! And she goes, I’m living here for a year. My brother is dying, and when he passes, I’m going to go back to LA. And I’m like, this must have roommates. Right? So she moved in. We were mentally, like on June 15th, the next year, her brother had not passed. She goes, Rhonda, we have to wait. And so July 15th comes and her brother hasn’t passed.
She goes, I’ll have to wait. And I go, and I looked at her because I had had a boyfriend and he was. You know, I was going to get married if you know, I said, if I do not leave right this minute, I’m never leaving. I’m never leaving. I get that you can’t go. But I have to go cause I, I’m going to be in Minneapolis, Minnesota, married to my college boyfriend, and it’ll be a nice life, but it won’t be my life.
And I had to leave. So I actually drove out to LA, not knowing one human being, not knowing a soul with no support. And you know, with literally with $200 in my pocket, that I’d saved up and I, and I got to LA and. You know, somehow made it through.
Casanova Brooks: [00:25:09] Wow. Wow. And so the reason why I love the fact that you told that last part especially, is because you could have, just like you said, I would have been living a nice life, but it would not have been.
My life. And I feel like that’s what so many people do. They settle. Even though knowing that, you know, our most valuable asset on this planet is our time, and it’s a short amount of time because we never know when the end of our ropes come coming. And so the fact that you said, listen, I got to go. Well, first off, I wonder, did your boyfriend at the time, did he go with you or did he just allow you to leave.
Rhonda Britten: [00:25:42] No, he just was like, you know, no, we had had some, we had, we’d had some problems, but he was courting me back and I knew he was going to ask me to marry him cause we’ve been together for a few years. And again, it would have been a nice life. He was a, he, his father owned like five jewelry stores. I could have been a jeweler’s wife, you know, they love liquor, like [00:26:00] golf and just gone to the country clubs and been, you know, philanthropist.
Right. and, and again, from a little town from Hancock, Michigan, that would have been an amazing leap. Right. But I knew that I would die. I knew that I would die if I lived there. So
Casanova Brooks: [00:26:14] You mean, internally,
Rhonda Britten: [00:26:17] I would die. My soul would die. And so I literally, when we said we’re going to leave July 15th I literally got in my car without her and drove.
Okay. And I listened to, you’re going to love this. I listened to, Oh my God, what’s the song?
yeah, no, I love that new attitude, attitude. I listened to it nonstop from Minneapolis, Minnesota to Los Angeles, California on repeat. And back then you had to have cassettes, right? Cause that’s 8-tracks. Right?
But I would just play it over and over again because I knew. If I did not change who I was on that car ride, you know, I was screwed. And then when I got to LA, it was kind of like, whew, I made it here. And then I froze for two years. Right.
Casanova Brooks: [00:27:06] Now, what do I do now? I love it that you told that story and that’s a great backstory and it helps to segue into what I’m going to ask now, which is how did you overcome the self-talk and the fear?
Because so many people, they have that right now, it’s in a world where right now, where. Right now, depending on when you’re listening to this, right? We’re in a pandemic, right? And we don’t know how long it will go on. And even before this, people had fear. Fear is the number one reason stopping people from going after their dreams or their business goals or whatever else.
And so for you, being in a brand new city, brand new state with a brand new career and a brand new situation, what is the one thing that helps you to start to live fearlessly. Was it a person? Was it a,
Rhonda Britten: [00:27:56] I was going to say it was a series of events. You know, I think the first thing I think, you know, people [00:28:00] ask me like, what are the most important days of your life?
Well, obviously my parents dying is the most important day of my life, but my most important day of changing my life was the first time. The first big thing that I did was get sober. You know, without my sobriety, without getting sober. I would not be who I am. I would not be here today. The next most important thing was I finally forgave my father and mother and finally myself.
So, you know, the day they died, you know, at the time I was supposed to, I was going to be a minister. I had just announced to my family six months before that I was gonna be a minister. So the day my parents died, I forgave my father and forgave my mother immediately. Like I was like, forgive, you know, but I, but you know, you, you think you forgive, but you don’t really forgive.
And forgiveness is a multi-layered process. And so when I really, truly forgave my father. The nightmares stopped and those nightmares haunted me every night. Every night my father was chasing me in my dreams and shooting at me, and I bolted my, you know, literally bullets in me every morning. So, you know, stopping those dreams and forgiving my father again, another huge moment.
And then the other moment was when I really,
Casanova Brooks: [00:29:03] I’m so sorry. I want to tap into that so we don’t forget about it because this is a lot. We hear that all the time. Right? Forgiveness. Forgive that person because they actually made you who you are. That didn’t happen. You wouldn’t be the character that you are today, good, bad, whatever.
Right? But you said that it’s a multilayered process. You can’t just say, Oh, I forgive. How does someone break down that? How do they even understand what the layers are so they could start to be able to truly forgive?
Rhonda Britten: [00:29:32] Yeah. I love this topic. Thank you so much for asking me about this, because I actually.
Created an exercise that is the thing that got me through. And again, I’m, I’m not Rhonda Britten yet. I E master coach, you know, Emmy award winner, all those things yet, right. I, I’m just Rhonda sitting on the floor of my studio apartment struggling and trying to survive. And I remember people would be like, write a forgiveness letter.
And I’m like, okay, well that wasn’t helpful. You know, I mean, it’s nice, but it’s not helpful. and [00:30:00] so I made up an exercise. you know, I always say God gave it to me. Like I got made up an exercise and that exercise. helped me to get to the place that, that I was finally able to forget. My father and I have a fantastic story about the kind of the day that I forgave him.
but going back to the multi-layer, so there’s so much I can say about this. I love to say that. Let’s think of us as a human being, right? Let’s think of us. We have two arms. We have two legs, right? We have a heart. And I always like to say that people think that they have forgiven and they’re always shocked that, you know, 10 years later, five years later.
That feeling of rage comes up again, or the feeling of disappointment or heartbreak, it comes up again. Well, this is how I like to think of it. You can only forgive based on your level of awareness. So the day my parents died, here I am a Bible, God girl going to be a minister. Of course I’m going to forgive.
I mean, of course, right? That is what I was made to do. So, you know, that day the minister came over and You know, cause they’re going to do the burial and everything and they’re asking us, you know, Hey, they didn’t even like, I don’t even think they asked us how we were doing, to be honest. But it’s like I forgave.
Like I said, yeah, I’ve forgiven him. Yes. I went skating the night they died and my friends were all coming to skating and I went skating. So every Sunday I went skating and now I go skating. Cause I’m like, I have to do something normal. All my friends are coming, crying, balling and like, Oh and I’m like this.
Oh no, I’m fine. I forgiven. Right. So I forgave my level of awareness. When I turned 20-21 and I started going to another forgave at a like a little bit more, right. and then as I’ve grown and shifted, as I become more awake and more aware, I like to say there’s pockets of, you know, feelings and emotions hidden inside of us that we don’t even see or have access to because we can’t because we’re not awake enough to see them.
But when we wake up, different parts of us kind of like blossom and open and go, okay, now you’re ready to heal this part of the story. Now you’re ready to heal this. So it’s not. [00:32:00] It’s not that you’re screwed up or bad that these things kind of rotate through your life. It’s actually validation and affirmation that you’re growing because that wouldn’t come up if you did it right.
You know? So I think if people can get their head around that, they will no longer beat themselves up and be like, I can’t believe this is happening to me again. Why is my father coming up? You know? It’s like yet only proves that you’re growing.
Casanova Brooks: [00:32:21] Right. And I, and I love that you said that, but let me ask you this, because what I heard is you said, you know, when I turned 20 to 21 obviously that is, you know, five, six years later, right?
Six, seven years later. How much of this is just, you have to be patient with time because for a lot of people, can this happen? Can anyone uncover these additional pockets within the next three months? Or is it like, listen, you just have to acknowledge with yourself. It is going to take time.
Rhonda Britten: [00:32:52] I think that’s, I think there’s two things, yes.
To that, and. There is a way to support yourself, right? So, you know, I’m talking to a private client yesterday and she wants to build a relationship with her mother who’s very difficult to talk to, et cetera, et cetera. And we talk about how she needs to move through forgiveness before she can actually heal that relationship, because she’s still going to get on the phone, be angry with her, right?
She has to get on the other side in order to actually love somebody who betrayed her or hurt her, right? She has to. She has to go through the healing process. So the exercise that I created. Can help kind of jumpstart that. Right? And you can’t, well, every time I forgave, I thought I forgave. Right? So when people say to me, Oh, this is, somebody said to me the other day, Oh, I know I’m on the deepest layer.
Now I’m at the core of my being. It’s like, maybe, maybe not. Right, right. Like, okay, you can say that to yourself if it makes you feel okay, but. I don’t know about that because aren’t you going to keep growing? Aren’t you going to keep exposing parts of yourself and being willing to be more vulnerable and more courageous and more, you know, risk-taking, because that’s going to expose parts of you that [00:34:00] you don’t even know exist, right?
So you know, on one hand, every time you forgive, you think you’re done. You’re like, look done. Right? But it’s just the awareness of knowing, well, I’m done for now at this level of awakening, like this level of, of, of growth where I am right now and the exercise I created, I am happy to share. Really propelled me forward in order to forgive my father.
And then of course, to forgive my mother. Because you know, people think like, Oh, why do you have to forgive your mother? She was murdered. It’s like nope. You know, you have to forgive the martyr. Yet I got to take mother off the pedestal and quit making her the victim and actually have her part of the play.
Right. And then I had to forgive myself for not doing anything because I was the last one I could forgive. My father was actually the easiest person to forgive. And then my mother was the second hardest, and then I was, of course, the hardest of all. Wow.
Casanova Brooks: [00:34:51] And so for the exercise, we’re actually going to see for anybody that’s listening right now, we’re going to see if we can give it in the show notes.
So we’re going to see if we can get something. so then you’ll be able to go to it. We’ll have a link to that exercise that you’ll be able to go and have access to. And I’m sure if you’re someone who’s dealing with a problem of forgiveness right now, this can be true. Just tremendous for you. And I’m excited to see it as well.
One thing that I wanted to ask you about is as you started to, you know, was there one little win that allowed you to say, listen, I am where I’m supposed to be and I am destined for greatness, right? Like you’ve been featured on Oprah and all these other things. Was it like the moment that someone from Oprah heard your story or New York times or whatever else it was, right.
And then all of a sudden you went on there, you, you told your story to the best of what you could and the world loved it. And so much feedback came back of, Oh my God, this is how much you’ve helped me. Was there one time like that, that you said, listen, it’s time to embrace it because I am where I’m supposed to be.
Rhonda Britten: [00:35:57] Yes, there was a moment. [00:36:00] and It definitely was, you know, so, you know, like I mentioned before, like I’m a God girl, and after my parents died, I couldn’t use the word God for 20 years. Like I, if you send the word God to me, I’d be like light universe source. Don’t say the word God, because you know, I was going to be a minister and I really believe that they died.
because of me, you know, because this is a test from God to see how faithful I am. Right? So I was really like, God, thank you so much, but these tests are too big. I’m not talking to you. Right. so here I am. I’m in living in Los Angeles. I’m actually, Have left acting and, working, doing some PR public relations.
And one of my clients is one of the very first life coaches. Cause there’s, you know, like there were, at the time, there was, there wasn’t an industry called coaching, but he was one of the very first, and he was one of my clients. And, I remember he would always tell me. Rhonda, you’re going to be a better coach than me.
And I’d look at him like, you are a crazy person, because remember, I’ve got this horrible past that I’m still screwed up. So, but he would always say to me, Rhonda, you’re going to be a better coach than me. Rhonda, you’re going to be a better coach than me. And two things happen kind of simultaneously. One is I got him a speaking event, to speak.
There’s something called The Learning Annex, you know, before, and it was an amazing place that you could go and speak, and, you know, they would do all the enrollment. So I got him a gig there. And so he went to go speak there and he like, there’s maybe 20, 30 people in the room. And, I was there with him.
It was his first time. And, as he goes up, I introduced him and as he goes up to speak, and again, this man is brilliant beyond brilliant. As a minute, he goes up to speak. He literally says one sentence and runs out of the room, and I’m like, what just happened? And I’m like, can I just minute? And I’ll go back in and say, what’s going on?
And I follow him and he’s in the bathroom and he has food poisoning. And he is literally like, well, let’s just say it’s not a pretty sight, and he has no way coming back. And I went, Aw, okay. So I went up in front of the room and taught the class. And [00:38:00] while I was teaching the class, and again, I never like this.
This is not, this is, this is not something, you know,
I’m the publicist, right? Right. This is crazy, right? But I go up and I start talking about him and start talking about his work and start just talking about blah, blah, blah. And I realize this is one of the little things that happened. I realize. That I actually, people are more interested in hearing me talk about it than him because he’s almost too smart.
Like, you know what I mean? He’s, he’s so smart that sometimes you don’t understand them cause he’s just so smart
Casanova Brooks: [00:38:39] right over your head.
Rhonda Britten: [00:38:41] Yeah. We’re growing up in upper Michigan and me going like, hi, you know, Sally and Peter went to the store is really helpful. Right, right, right, right. And so my ignorance and my lack of.
Sophistication actually supported me then. So that moment I realized it was like, what? Like what? Wow. You know, and like basically everybody signed up for his class because of me and it was awesome. The other thing happened is that his name is Paul. Paul and I are sitting around his house, we’re brainstorming, got his whiteboard out.
And again, I’m not thinking anything about me. and we’re working on his business and, and this is the miracle that happened in my life. So. I’m just going to get a little woo-woo now for a second. So everybody who’s not woo-woo, shut your ears. So I’m sitting on the couch, he’s standing up on the whiteboard, and all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see that the world has opened up.
A book comes out and basically goes,
shuts it, goes up, goes back up into heaven. And I’m like, what just happened? And I literally turned around. Casanova literally turned around because that can’t be for me and there’s nobody else in the room. I look at Paul, he’s still talking, he doesn’t know what happened. And I’m like, Holy crap, I run to have a meeting with my minister cause I had, thank God I had something scheduled.[00:40:00] And I go, okay, this thing happened to me. And she says to me, well that’s your call you’ve been called. And I’m like, yeah, but I haven’t finished college. I left with three credits short. I have to go finish my three credits. I have to go get my master’s, I have to get a PhD and I have to write a book, and maybe in seven or eight years I can do this.
And she just kept saying, it’s your call. You’ve gotten called like, you need to, you know, like it’s time. And she goes, I just looked at her, I go, I, I, I have nothing. Like I got nothing. Right. Like you don’t understand. Right? Like, and she goes, Rhonda, you are ready. If you got the call, it means you’re ready.
And I’m like. So I wrestle with this concept and I go to Paul, who’s my, you know, who I’m working with. My client is my client. And, it took me about six months to finally go, well maybe I could have a client cause. so I basically became his first coaching student, you know, trained coach and, started having sessions and would have a session and run to him and be like, what do I do now?
And then I’d run back and then I’d run back to him and, you know, for six months I like didn’t trust myself to know what I was doing. And after about six months, I started trusting myself cause I had done tremendous amount of work on myself. I’d already been creating exercises myself for four years.
Casanova Brooks: [00:41:15] So I
Rhonda Britten: [00:41:16] had already done all this stuff.
But yeah. It didn’t, I didn’t know that I could apply it to other people and I didn’t understand that. I knew this stuff. I didn’t. I didn’t believe anything. I didn’t believe I had anything good to give because all I did was look at my past. But also I looked at how my life wasn’t what I thought it should be.
So I compared myself to a fantasy version of myself. Right? And until I reached that fantasy version, I had no right to do it. And because of my past, I had no right to do it because I didn’t get my life together. Right. So I kept on looking at this fantasy future. This fantasy person I thought I should be.
And then the past and both of those things said, you are not good enough right now to step out. And so for six months I wrestled with that and [00:42:00] just worked with it. And basically I really did wrestle with it. And finally just step by step started coming out and going, well, what if, what if this is what I meant to do?
And maybe it doesn’t matter if I’m any good at it in the beginning, what if, what if? What if my past doesn’t matter? And what if my fantasy person. What if that never happens, right? Like so, so I just started, you know, bit by bit and then, you know, momentum is, you know, is a wonderful thing because as I started doing it, I started building momentum.
And then within like a year. I had my own practice within two years. I was, you know, speaking within three years, I was, you know, having workshops after four years, you know, people would ask me for a book, five years, I’d written a book, six years. I was on a tour six year I started, I was on my first television show, right?
I was the first one in the world, but it was all because I was completely devoted. And I knew that I was really on a mission. It was not about me. I always say, people always ask me, how did you get, how’d you be successful, successful so fast? I said, I put my blinders on. I didn’t give a shit about what anybody else was doing, excuse my language, and I just knew that I had to do what I had to do is what I was called to do.
I had to do. And so I put my blinders on and just did the work. Didn’t care about my self esteem anymore. Didn’t care if I had low self esteem, didn’t care about my confidence, didn’t give a crap about that. I had work to do and the work would hone me, you know, would hone me and make me who I was meant to be, but I had to do the work and that’s what I, that’s what saved me.
Casanova Brooks: [00:43:34] Got it. Wow. There’s, there’s so much there. And the biggest thing that, that I love that you said was, I put on my blinders because in the world that we’re living in today, that’s very, very hard to do because social media is hitting you, right? The TV’s hitting you. Everyone has a cell phone in their hand and there’s some type of an app that has some type of ads on it that in the sense they want to.
Solve a problem [00:44:00] for you, but how do you solve a problem? First? Just like you said, you had to become aware. So for so many people, they only know from their level of awareness. So for you as a business owner who’s trying to advertise, you first have to let someone know that there is a problem. So from the consumer side.
You’re first seeing that problem and you maybe don’t have that mindset strength, right, to say, listen, I’m not going to be degraded by this, but I’m still going to keep on my blinders because I know that my time is coming. If I could just keep focused on it, but I feel like that there’s so much there that a lot of people can’t focus.
Shiny Object SyndromeHow did. How do you even stay focused now in today’s world of not chasing a shiny object and stay in your course.
Rhonda Britten: [00:44:50] Yeah, I mean, it’s, this is exactly, I think the problem that most entrepreneurs are dealing with right now because there’s just too much information. You know, I started my business when there, you know, there was, I had email and I had my first website, you know, two years later.
But I was one of the first adopters of websites and email. And the first time that I did email, I would give a talk. To a community college or give a talk to the lion’s club. And I would talk anywhere. I didn’t, I didn’t care where I talked. I would talk for free for two years. And a lot of people are like, well, I don’t want to talk for free.
Right. They have this vision of in their mind that why should it be paid? It’s like, well, well, I talked for three years, two years for free. And I started making little products, you know, like a cassette tape here and, and a little book here. And I printed it and I was making $20,000 a month speaking for free.
And so, you know, people are so afraid.
Casanova Brooks: [00:45:40] Because people want to know. Now if I’m listening to that, and I’m like, well, how did you make $20,000 a month if you’re speaking for free? What did that look like?
Rhonda Britten: [00:45:47] Yeah, so, so the first year that I was in business, like I said, I mean, the first six months I was in business, I had two clients and I and I, and I charged $25 and I drove to them.
And I live in Los Angeles. So you know, I had no money, right? And [00:46:00] I could not get anybody else to hire me. Those six months, it was like, what. Why? Why is this not working right? And then the six month Mark, I kind of figured it out. Like I, I started talking to people differently and within, literally within days, I had 20 clients.
And it changed obviously my whole everything for me. Cause now I have 20 calls, I have a full practice. And then like I said, I was doing one on ones and one of my clients said, Hey, could you teach me, you know, could you come and talk to my client and my students and you know, blah, blah. So it happened piecemeal by piecemeal.
So I think the problem with today is that we see everybody’s end result. And we go, well, I have to reach that level instead of recognizing that, no, it really is stepping-stones. So my first thing was private coaching. That’s all I cared about. I wasn’t going to speak or train. I mean, that wasn’t even in my bandwidth.
Right. It was just building my one on one coaching practice. and then for my one on one coaching practice, somebody from the outside came to me and said, Hey, will you come and teach my employees? And I didn’t think about teaching workshops, but then I went did that and I was like, Oh, I like this. And then from there it led to speaking, right?
It led to each thing unfolded. I think everybody’s now trying to reach, like get the, you know, gold ribbon, you know, get the, get the prize right when they start and they’re comparing themselves to somebody like me who’s been in business 25 years. Right? And it’s like, no, no, no, no. That’s, that’s not how this goes down.
You know, it took me, it took me to, you know, six months to build a full time practice. It took me two years to teach my first workshop. It took me three years to speak. And speaking of speaking, so what I used to do, and you can do this easily now, I did it with cassette recorders. Every time I spoke for free.
I would record myself. I would bring all my gadgets with me. Back then it was all these gadgets. Now it’s just a cell phone, you know, and a mic. That’s all you need. Right. And I would record myself and whenever there was a really good talk, I would label it something, you know, expectations. And I [00:48:00] would write Rhonda Britten live, never edited, never edit it, because that would cost money.
And I would make cassette tapes and I would put the label Rhonda Britten live. So they weren’t expecting editing. And then I would go to the next event. And sold, that cassette tape, and then I kept on having good talks. So I, by the end, before I got my book deal, I had like four cassette series. I had two printed books that I created, and then I created packages.
So I knew that if I was speaking to a hundred people. I knew I was gonna sell 30% of the room. I knew I was going to make $3,000 to $5,000 I knew it. Right. So, you know, so I had, I would come in and again, again, people aren’t willing to do this because they compare themselves to, you know, the bigger the, the, the big people out there that are, you know, they kept by their sums to Tony Robbins, right?
Instead, you know, I am here with my little cart bringing in my books and bringing in my cassettes, and I set up my table. Right? And I, you know, and I have my little contest about a private session and get everyone’s business cards. And when I was teaching workshops, the number one thing that built my business was flyers.
I put flyers everywhere, right? But everybody’s trying to, you know, kind of get ahead of it, right? Like, and again, not that we don’t want to use zoom and not that we don’t want to use technology, but. We don’t want to be, we don’t want to let technology decide our business. You know? Again, we, it’s, it’s, it’s, technology is here to be an asset, but it’s, it doesn’t have to, there’s a way, lots of ways to build a business now without using technology at all.
You know? So, so it’s kind of like, that’s how I did it. And then I would, you know, and I spoke everywhere. I mean, I would speak three to five times a week. I didn’t care. I live in Los Angeles, so I would go all the way to Santa Barbara two hours North. I’d go to San Diego two hours South. I didn’t care who you were.
I was speaking, I spoke to. Like I said, chambers of Congress, you know, Lions clubs, community colleges. I didn’t care. I didn’t, you asked me, I’m there.
Casanova Brooks: [00:49:53] Was it just sharing your story? Because people want to know, okay, how are you speaking? Was it just sharing your story or where are you, where are you sharing, [00:50:00] you know, a actual formula of how someone else like, which, what was it that you were speaking about when you first started out?
Rhonda Britten: [00:50:07] When I first started out, by this time, I had started developing Fearless Living. So I had started unpacking all the exercises I’d done for myself, and that’s what I was training people how to do. I had developed something called the wheel-. So my methodology, one of the things that you said earlier, just to go back for a second, is you said, you know, people aren’t aware of their problem.
And a lot of my marketing and a lot of things that I do are just helping people understand they have fear because most people. Like me included. I didn’t think I had any fear when I was living. Well, it just fear people don’t, like I grew up, I didn’t, we didn’t talk about fear and we never said I’m afraid or I’m scared cause that was weak, you know?
So I never said I’m afraid or I’m scared. So I am the one that shocked that I’m teaching fear. And that fear has become, you know, like that’s the core of everything. So one of the first things I have to do is actually just talk about fear. And what is fear and help people understand that they have fear.
So I would give them a quiz at the beginning of my talk. I would give them a quiz. I, for the first two years of speaking, I never told my story because I was like, nobody wants to hear that stupid story. Like nobody wants to get depressed and hear that story. Right? And they’re gonna think I’m crazy if they hear that story.
So I would just talk about the tools that I used. And then by this time I had clients. So then I would tell them client stories and I would say what I’m doing with my clients. And every time I spoke. It’s like, you know, maybe I’d get a laugh here and I’d be like, Ooh, I got a laugh there. And I started building my keynote talk by, talk, by talk, by talk, by talk.
So here I would say something, people would be like, Oh. And I pull that out and go like, Oh, that was good. And I use it the next time. So I didn’t sit down and write my keynote. That keynote was built. Every time I gave a talk and something hit the audience. And now my keynote, I mean, I’ve had. People all over the world tell me I’m one of the best speakers they’ve ever seen because that, that keynote was built from my own guts, from my own.
It wasn’t a, it wasn’t a theory, right. It wasn’t, it wasn’t my head. It was my heart doing it. Right. [00:52:00] So, so it just evolved over time. So, so that’s how I, you know, gave my talks and then I would have my little basket with me, my little cart, and my, and then two years later. Yeah, my flyers, my right, my little bowl, they have to put their business cards in to win a session with me.
You know, I carried all this crap all over the place, had it in my car all the time. And then, and then the thing that kind of catapulted me, cause you said a minute ago, did I tell my story? I have a friend of mine at the time that was a speaking coach. Never used her professionally, but she said to me, you gotta tell your story.
I’m like, again, nobody wants to hear that. And she bet me, right? She goes, I bet it’s going to make a difference. So I had two speeches back to back where the same outfit gave the same speech. The only difference was I get told my story and I told her really bad. Like I told it like this, my father murdered my mother committed suicide.
That’s like I tell, I told it like it was horrible. Right? I mean, literally like I just kinda threw it out cause I didn’t know how to tell a story back then. Right. so the first time I gave the talk, I did not tell my story. Like three people came up to me afterwards and ask questions and, you know, other people bought stuff and it was, you know, kind of like the normal thing.
Next talk I gave, same thing. Like I said, except this time I told my story really poorly and just like dumped it out. And, I had a line around the block. Hmm. I mean, literally a line you couldn’t see the end of, and I went, what just happened. And I realized that the secrets we keep are the stories we must tell.
Casanova Brooks: [00:53:33] Wow. I love it. To say that again,
the secrets that we keep are the stories we must tell. Wow.
And why and, and why is that do you think? Because for us, we want it. We want it. We want to protect it. We want to protect ourselves. We want to protect our emotion. Why should we tell our stories? Because this is something that I’ve struggled with as well.
Of course, before the call, you heard my story, but for very long, and [00:54:00] even as I told it, I shortened up in really three minutes. Right? And, and because of almost like what you say now, obviously I know how to tell my story, but it’s still that mindset of like. Do people want to hear my story or is it looked at as a woe is me and now I’m playing the victim when people already have their own problems?
Rhonda Britten: [00:54:20] Oh yeah. People on social media, people have said to me, Oh, you’re making money on your mother’s story. And it’s like, okay. Like, like that mentality tells me who you are. It has nothing that has nothing about me. Right. Like I tell my story because I’ve realized that if I don’t tell my story. If I don’t tell you what happened to me, you don’t, you don’t, you don’t necessarily trust me.
You don’t know where I’ve come from and you don’t know what a miracle it is that I’m here now. Right? And in that moment, you also know. That you can do it too. Like anybody who hears my story is always like, Oh, if you can do it, I can do it too. Right? It’s like, yeah, you can totally do it. And again, my story isn’t something, you know, I have three minute version.
I have a 20 minute version, right? Depending on how long I have an a keynote. And, and, you know, I tell my story, I don’t start with it, because I’ve learned that when I start with it, people just stare at me the whole time and they’re like, are you okay? You know. So I, I teach for 40 minutes and 45 minutes, an hour before I ever tell my story.
So they’re like, Oh my God, this concept. So amazing. I gotta have it. And, you know, help them understand how fear is. And then they start realizing they have fear and they’re like, Oh my God. And then I tell my story, and then they’re like what?!, and, and, and telling my story has
healed me from a level of shame that I didn’t even know I had. A level of shame and embarrassment. It freed me. It freed me. It’s like the story’s out now. I don’t have to hide anymore that my father murdered my mother. I don’t have to hide anymore [00:56:00] that I didn’t save her. You know, I don’t have to hide anymore that I had three suicide attempts and three DUIs anymore.
I don’t have to cover it up and pretend. Right. And so I remember that’s one of the reasons I went on Oprah, by the way, is the first time I went on Oprah. I remember when I told my story to Oprah, I finally felt like the weight of the world was like, shoo, everybody knows my story. Okay. Now I can get on with it.
Right? but our story is the secrets we keep. I want you to think of as like little plugs in your energy levels, in your like little things that are stopping your energy from, you know, we’re energy beams and every secret you’re afraid to tell. And again, you’re not gonna tell all your secrets. I don’t, I mean, I have lots of secrets.
I don’t quote unquote using my stories, but I’ve also told them to somebody, right? Like every secret I have, I’ve shared with somebody may not be the same people, right? You can share it. You can spread it around. There are no secrets that I. That I have just for myself anymore. Right. And just think of it every time you’re trying to have a secret, there’s a part of you that is unexpressed, there’s a part of you that is got a little plug in it.
You can’t use that energy. And that energy is, you know, kind of turning inward instead of outward. So, you know, every secret is, is eating you up a little bit.
Casanova Brooks: [00:57:18] I love it. I love it, man. I’ve gotten so much inspiration and wisdom from this and it’s just sparked me to ask a question, which is not something that I typically ask on here, but I feel like this is appropriate.
Let’s say that in. 15 years from now, right? If, if for God, you know, God forbid that something was to happen, you know, to where you see that you really only have about a couple of days left, right on this planet. You can’t take out any of your books with you. You can’t take any of your recognition with you.
but you can, you’re left with. Three post it notes, and again, I’m [00:58:00] just making this up, but I think that you’re going to give you one of the best answers that maybe you’ve ever heard. and in terms of this, so you’re left with three posted notes, and this is three wisdom quotes or you know, signs of wisdom that you can leave to the world to be remembered by.
What are those three things that you’re going to leave to try to make this world a better place when it’s all said and done? What will people remember you for those three things?
Well, I know on the first one, I will say this boy, boy three. Okay. So the first one, I would say there’s nothing wrong with you.
Rhonda Britten: [00:58:38] It’s just fear. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just fear. Yeah. Maybe I would leave the one that I just shared, which is the secrets, the secrets that you hide or the stories you must tell. Right. And then, boy, the third one coming up for me right now. this is coming through me based on the conversation we have is like, you are worth forgiving.You are worth forgiving
So yeah, I think you are worth forgiving and, because I think that’s one of the hardest things people wrestle with is they haven’t forgiven themselves for what they still haven’t done, even though they have a dream, they haven’t forgiven themselves for having a dream and not acting on it right. Hmm. right. So a lot of people have a dream. They’re not acting on it and they have to forgive themselves.
I remember I was working with an entrepreneur and he said to me, so I’m working with this group of entrepreneurs, and one guy stands up and was like, okay, well I need, I need to stop so I need to solve this problem. I’m like, well, what problem? He goes, well, I make a lot of money that I lose that I make a lot of money.
I lose it. I make a lot of money. I lose it. And he goes, and it’s the same thing. My grandfather did it my same thing. My father did make a lot of money, lose it, and I looked at him and I said, you must forgive them. And he was like, what? Cause he wanted a strategy, right? He wanted me to tell him, I said, you must forgive them because you are carrying on in order to connect to your mother, your father and your grandfather.
You’re, you’re whole. You’re holding the line [01:00:00] like you’re doing the same thing they did. It’s a way of love. Like you’re loving them by doing that. You’re accepting them by doing that. You’re, you’re connecting, right. So you have to forgive them and you have to decide. That you are willing to break the family chain in order to set your own path.
But the only way to do that is to forgive them. And he’s like looking at me wanting money tips and I go, trust me when you forgive them. You will make money and you will keep it. I
got it. I love it. The last thing that I want to say is someone out there right now is super inspired by you. They can’t wait to reach out to you.
They can’t wait to connect with you. They can’t wait to get mentorship in some type of wisdom and guidance from you, but they have that little voice in your head. I’m sure you know what little voice I’m talking about, but that little voice in their head tells them that maybe they’re not strong enough.
They’re not smart enough or they just don’t even have enough resources. What’s the one thing that you would say to that person to get them to just take action?
Mm. Wow. Such good questions. You have. if they were in front of me right now, and they. Desperately wanted to change their life, but they had not done it yet.
They’ve been, you know, on hold, right? They’ve been quote unquote stuck. Right? this is what’s moving through me right now, and if you ask me tomorrow, maybe something else would move through me, but right now it’s moving through me is it isn’t, you know, it is not you. It is not you that’s holding you back.
It is fear. And you, my friend, must decide, is fear going to run your life or are you going to run your life? Now I’m going to teach you and show you and guide you and coach you to help you understand how your fear works so you never held back again because it is not your fault that your past happened.
It is fear trying to keep you safe. And so I have a pathway to take you from A to a A.1 to A.2 to B to D to Z all the way across. [01:02:00] And I’m going to take you, I’m going to hold your hand throughout the whole thing because I got you and there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you.
There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just fear and you get to decide, is fear going gonna make your next move or are you going to make your next move? Are you going to decide or you’re going to decide.
Casanova Brooks: [01:02:18] There you have it. I love it. I love it. And I hope that someone’s listening to this right now, that they put that stamp down and they say, it’s going to be me and I’m going to decide that fearwill not overtake my life.
It’s done it for too long, and now it’s the time for me to make that decision to go after my dreams and my goals. This has been a phenomenal episode. As I said, that it would be in the beginning. I had no doubt about it just because of the energy that you brought from the moment you hopped into the room. For anybody that wants to stay connected with you.
Of course, I said we’re going to drop the links in the show notes, so anybody would be able to download it and also be able to get more information from you, but if they just wanted to connect with you, where can they find you at?.
Rhonda Britten: [01:03:02] Fearlessliving.org just go on over to fearlessliving.org and of course I have my Facebook and all my social media under Rhonda Britten, R, H, O, N, D, a, B, R, I, T, T, E, N.
But go over to fearlessliving.org and click on the link. Get fearless. And you know, that’s your first one of your first steps. You know, you can. join us and of course, join our community over at Fearless U Facebook group. but fearlessliving.org has, you know, everything that you need to figure out your next step and coaches and support.
And I, I just know that, go in my YouTube channel and watch videos and get your questions answered. I mean, I’m here for you and I’ve always said, no matter what your, what, no matter what your money is, no matter what your time is. Fearless living has a way for you to start on this path, regardless of your money and your time.
We have three things. We have masterminds. We have everything in between. So there is a way for you to move forward.
Casanova Brooks: [01:03:52] I love it. I love it. Well, thank you for coming on and I can’t wait to have you back. I mean, I know I’m no Oprah, but if you give us a round two, [01:04:00] you know, after you know, you, you, I know that you’re releasing something like a 10 part series that you were talking about, and I don’t know if you want to talk about that or if not, people can go to Fearless sign up for the a, the subscribing.
Rhonda Britten: [01:04:14] Right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you know what, if I can give a gift, I can be more than happy to give a gift, if you, if I may.
Casanova Brooks: [01:04:19] Yeah, absolutely. We’ll drop it in the show notes, but yeah, feel free to,
Rhonda Britten: [01:04:25] yeah. Let me, you know, during this time, like we said that we’re in the middle of this global pandemic and. hopefully, you know, you’re staying safe and healthy is, I would love to give the gift.
I have a, I just, you know, God downloaded me. This idea of creating this 10 part series that top 10 fears. And, the one I’d love to give away is how to overcome fear of the unknown. Hmm. And you can go to fearlessliving.org/gift GIF,T and you can go grab it and you can devour it. It’s a mini course.
It’s got a video and audio and fear Buster exercise. It’s got everything that you need to start moving forward and looking at the unknown because truly, I guess this might be another post it note is, freedom equals your capacity to live in the unknown. Freedom equals your capacity to live in the unknown.
So the more that you can live in the unknown, the more risks you’re gonna take. People get stopped. Fear says, I don’t know enough, right? I stepped, stood paralyzed in my bedroom, a little studio apartment in LA for two years, cause I didn’t know the unknown paralyzed me. And usually the unknown is what paralyzes most people on some level, right?
It’s, it’s that fear that we don’t even don’t even know is happening. So going over to fearlessliving.org/gift at GIFT. Download. It’s a mini course. You’re gonna have to put your name and email in, in order to get access to the course itself. and so do it. Go and get it. Start the journey.
Start learning about fear and how it works in you because you are not, there’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong. It was just fear. My father did not kill my mother because he was being fearless. My father killed my mother because he was afraid. My mother stayed with my father for 20 years, that he was, he was afraid and fear almost killed me.
So [01:06:00] fear does not have to stop you. I know the way. Join me. Come on now.
Casanova Brooks: [01:06:04] Yeah, there you have it. Well, thank you again for coming on and we appreciate it. We look forward to watching your success and your growth as well. Thanks again, Rhonda.
Rhonda Britten: [01:06:13] Thank you.
Casanova Brooks: [01:06:14] Be fearless!